I love reading your column and, honestly, you solve problems that often are swept under the carpet. On many occasions, you have opened my eyes with the way you view the world. Thank you Biggie, with you this world is a better place.
Here is my problem. I am 25 and recently got married. My husband is a God-fearing man who preaches no sex before marriage. So, despite having a few flings in college, I had no real experience with a man until our wedding night when this man let out the animal in him and put out his best performance.
Like a possessed man, for hours on end he went on and on, while crying and shouting “Lord I am coming home, Lord I am coming home!” And when he came, it was like he was going to die. He puffed, beat his chest then fell on the bed with eyes rolling, before blacking out.
Fearing he had BP, the next morning I took him to the doctor, however, tests showed that he is fine. But Biggie, this experience has affected my performance as I do not want to kill him. Do you think I am too sweet for him? Will he not die on me?
Lilongwe, via e-mail.
I wish ‘I knew’ how sweet you are so that I properly respond to your first question. I can only assume you are because of the hot issue at hand. So allow me to proceed to the second question where you are asking: Will he not die on me?
Beauty, I will be very raw with you. During throes of passion, lovers climax differently.
There are those who contort their faces into tight little knots, you would think they are being strangled. Others break wind and wail like crazy, you would be forgiven for thinking they are under attack. Some cry endlessly like your husband.
I know a woman who has a similar predicament and she thinks her hubby will go nuts one day because he giggles like a lunatic until the job is done. A female friend also confessed to me that all her beddings are in shreds because she needs something to hold on to when climaxing that she ends up tearing bedsheets out of excitement.
Beauty, if no one gets injured then there is no problem in your marriage. In fact, yours is not a problem at all. It is just one of those important areas wedding counsellors often ignore to warn new brides. No wonder most young married women such as you only find out in bed that the man they have married is an animal (pun intended).
I can only wish you well as you embark on this exciting journey of married life. Worry not, your man is fine and his antics are proof that his systems and weapons of mass procreation are in tip top condition.