I come before you for help. My husband is lazy during the week. He hardly touches me—once on Monday’s or Wednesday’s. But every Sunday morning eh, he insists and demands, as if his life depends on it, that we have a sex marathon.
I find this idea disgusting and ill-timed as I am in the mood to go to church. I always attend 6am Mass at my church. I also find the idea of entertaining his morning mood on Sunday, a bit dirtier, you know what I mean—as I have to be in the presence of the Lord.
However, the challenge is when I decline his demands; he accuses me of cheating with the parish priest. A good wife and woman that I am I oblige to his demands. I also do not want this issue to ruin my marriage. But I am getting tired of his Sunday demands.
In your wisdom, old man, should I continue attending to his needs before going to church? Or I should leave him for a decent man who thinks about church every Sunday and is less demanding.
Honey Bae, via WhatsApp, Zingwangwa
Dearest Honey B,
You should be ashamed! The Bible, your prayer book, gives times when munching the goods is sin. A marathon before hitting the road for church is not one of the circumstances. Your worry, then, is misplaced.
The Bible gives you fornication as a no-go zone. If two people who are not married to each other decide to settle scores under the sheets, it is sin. Fornication has a cousin: Adultery. Let us not delve much into when is adultery not fornication and vice-versa because the bottom line is that the consensual sex occurs outside the wedlock.
Under these two circumstances does sex become wrong, not before going to the house of the Lord. God created sex, pronounced it good and not just for reproduction, if it is done in holy matrimony.
As a matter of fact, when you deny your man conjugal rights, you go against the Apostle Paul’s very word in 1 Corinthians 7 verse 5. Remember, Paul died celibate, but he put it clearly: “Do not deprive one another, come together that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
Talking of self-control, do you want your man to go to church yearning and hard? Spare him that tragedy of crossing his legs every time his sees a mini skirt coming out of a mini car to enter the church and hear the word. Let him go to church free, that the praise singers should not lead him into temptation.
From your description, your man has a libido that needs taming. Even the law of the land has specifics on when sex is not right. When someone (I stand for political correctness here, since women can also rape men, za gender izi) forces themselves on someone else it is rape or defilement. That is forbidden.
There is nowhere in the Penal Code where you will find the sentence of having it rough with the wife on a Sunday morning. This, simply put, is no ground for divorce. You will only make a fool of yourself if you decide to take this matter to your ankhoswe or the courts!
Mulibe nkhani asisi, goodbye!
Big Man Wamkulu