As we build a lean team…

Mbwiiye,

I am sure you are fast recovering from the fact that I have not yet included you in our promised Capital’s Dream Team of 20. I am also sure that you are holding your patience as I carefully ponder on how we move from now onwards regarding the myriad requests, CVs and pressure I am getting from various corners of the Republic.

I must be honest with you, Mbwiiye, this is not a very enviable time for me. In fact, I want your utmost support in giving me the push that I need as I drive this Great Republic out of the mess it has found itself in the past 50 years or so.

And, as you may have noticed, I have started making some monumental changes to some programmes and projects that were operational when we took over power without necessarily saying that their makers, including the late Moya, aNgwazi or Atcheya and Acheemwa JB were cartoons; no. I have taken a diplomatic and cautious line.

In the process, I may have taken a bit of time in making some critical decisions.

However, if I leave you out of the juicy ‘Cabinet dog’ package, don’t sulk. It is not personal. It is by design. There will be many other opportunities for you; for example, by sending you to some lucrative diplomatic mission abroad. I may even make you a Special Advisor on Something in my office—where you will be drawing a huge pay cheque.

Mbwiiye, if the worse comes to the worst, I may ensure that you get some juicy public works deals so that you don’t wear slippers of different colours in our streets. No, that shall never happen.

Meanwhile, I expect you to be defending my decisions wherever you are—either in the august House or in the constituency and all over the country—because I know some of the decisions may not make sense to most of our tax payers, the business community or some representatives of the ‘Washington Consensus’.

Further, some citizens, especially those who did not cast their votes for us in the just-ended Tripartite Elections may start saying: ‘You see, we told you; this is not the right fellow to lead us in the Capital.’ My advice to you is to take such cynics head on. Deal with them the MYP-style—provide the critics with the answers you will deem fit and ask me questions later.

For those who actually voted for us, I want you to continue assuring them that we have not forgotten them. They will have a fair share of the national cake. This, as I outlined in my inaugural address at the Capital Stadium a few days ago and in my State of the Nation Address in the august House this week, may take several formats and timeframes. I just need to be given time.

In any case, don’t they say Rome was not built in a day? Why should we, therefore, hurry to rebuild our shaky Capital in just a few weeks after the elections? There is no need to hurry. We have the protection of the laws and the courts that will ensure that we have at least a five-year constitutional term. Anybody who says nfwiii nfwiii in the process will always be subjected to the jaws of treason!

That is why, as I take a short leave from the Capital, for a brief rest after the gruelling electoral season, I want you to portray me as a fellow normal human being who also needs a rest. If I go on some distil guzzling escapade, nobody should really blame me for that. I am only human. Even Caesar of Rome was. I need your cover as you have done all these years we have been together.

After all, I am not the only human that indulges in worldly issues in running away from realities and rigours of the day. Some folks even take refuge in prayer to their Ancestors, Allah the Most High or whatever deities and religious of their choice.

Regarding on who accompanies me on such sojourns; should that really be an issue of public concern if it is all provided for in the kit for my office?

Of course, Mbwiiye, find the best way of saying these things to the people. Some things are better said in softer terms or indirectly; because we need these folks when we seek re-election for a second or third term of office.

In fact, the best way of keeping some people busy is to keep them talking; that is what I have discovered over the years. So, always find a subject for them to be talking about; and by the time the extended talk is over, we will have been through our five, ten or fifteen years in office and earned our statutory pensions and retirement packages.

As for you, I will also ensure that some of the cases you have in the courts with the banks and numerous lenders that financed your campaign for constituency office are dropped. I know how these things are done. Either you fire the Capital officer pursuing the cases or get them to find a loose area in our statutes to discontinue the matters.

Meanwhile, give me the list of your children and dependants that are still in school here or abroad so that we put them on Capital scholarships so that they leave you alone to enjoy your meagre earnings from the august House.

Further, if you have friends and close associates (of either sex) that require Capital business, avail me of their list as well, so that you all enjoy the fruits of our work.

In the interim, I urge you all to work hard in whatever endeavours you indulge in; to obey the laws of the land; to promptly pay your taxes to the Capital Revenue Authority and to service your current loans to our starved commercial banks so that you are seen to be in the pot of builders that are helping me to reconstruct this economy.

Last but not least, Mbwiiye, do not forget to pay your personal staff in time. These include your watchmen, gardeners, cooks or errand boys and girls that you use for your escapades. These are the people that can make or unmake you.

And, before I forget, get to the nearest synagogue of your faith to praise the Good Lord for the opportunity He has accorded us to manage the affairs of the Capital once more, despite the iniquities that are associated with us.

 Mbwiiye, I have written you all this for and on behalf of the late Moya original or the genuine Ngwazi, whose lofty values, unequalled vision, sound economic and pragmatic leadership as well as peaceful management style, Victorian eloquence plus acclaimed statesmanship could not have seen this country undergo the massive plunder of our taxes in the Capital and the shame it has caused to our national integrity and image. And always think about these things, in the name of:

The late Rt.Hon.K.L.Mphwanye,

OSP, OLM, OCK, OLT

Achiever of MDGs, Professor of Government (China),

Doctor of Laws (Honoris Causa, USA), PhD (Western Pacific), Demolisher of Donors (Lilongwe), Executioner of Stupid Certified Idiots (ESCI),

US Green Card Holder; OBE, MBE.