‘Avoiding mistakes in love’

So you have gone past the initial dating stage and are now in a relationship.

The ‘in a relationship’ status can either be the best or the worst part of one’s life depending on how they handle it.

These are times when relationship advice may come in handy.

One of the biggest problems in relationships according to June Lutwama, author of Avoiding Mistakes in Love, is lack of knowledge about how men think.

She believes that if many women understood that, they would conduct themselves better.

The other problem, she thinks, is that some people are trapped in relationships they were forced into by peers, family or just because it was fashionable or time was running out.

“A misplaced decision can mess up a life,” she Lutwama.

Lutwama has written two books on avoiding mistakes in love; one of them is specifically for single women and the other for married women.

“The books are really about how to conduct ourselves a little better in relationships. Many women have trouble because they simply do not understand how men think.

“The society we live in and the modern culture make that ignorance worse. It is a book that advocates some values that may seem too old fashioned for some women, but stir the love that all women crave for in men,” she says.

She points out that Avoiding Mistakes in Love, for single women advises how to conduct oneself before and after getting a man, as well as during dating and courtship.

The one targeted at married women on the other hand, looks at the modern marriage, mainly one in which women are “empowered” socially and economically.

“I talk about sensitive issues such as submission, money matters, professional success, conduct in marriage, divorce, a man’s understanding of marriage and more. The ideas are practical, but Bible based. Many people memorise scripture, but don’t know how to apply it; Avoiding Mistakes in Love shows how.

“The books are so practical; they are relevant even for non-believing women,” says the author who is also the founder of Blossom Africa Trust, an organisation committed to empowering girls and women through motivation, information dissemination and skills training.

The idea to write the books stemmed from Appointed, Anointed and Accomplished Woman, an arm of Blossom Africa Trust, which runs a Facebook Group/Page by the same name, with over 4 000 members.

On this page, Lutwama and other people usually post insights from the Word of God and she says at one time she conducted a series called Avoiding Mistakes in Love, which was very popular.

“We got a lot of feedback. I realised there was a great need for resources out there. So I decided to put what I had been inspired to teach in a book.

“We also have a session on relationships in our annual Appointed, Anointed and Accomplished Woman conferences in addition to general counseling of many women who come to our ministry for help in that area. All that was an inspiration,” she says.

Lutwama believes that single women need to understand that men are hunters and they should allow the men to seek them out because only then will the man value them.

She further advises them to always understand that they are special in God’s eyes and that He has a mate for them. “Don’t get desperate,” she advises.

She also notes that many women conduct their relationships according to what is “trending”, which usually leads to frustration or abuse. She believes the best way is to tailor every relationship according to the individuals involved.

“Also, relationships are not all about money; women should learn the place of money in a relationship,” says Lutwama.

Lutwama states that the book is very educative and an eye opener; it gives practical “how-to” advice.

“Some people are living in hell in their relationships; whether married or single, the book gives possible solutions. Some marriages, including church marriages, are plagued by extra-marital affairs. There is a chapter on that, which is very enlightening.

“Some are on the verge of divorce; there is also a chapter on divorce issues. It is a book that has blessed me as well. It was inspired by God. I would encourage people to get a copy either a hard copy or buy it online,” she says n