Becoming a supportive wife

How do you become a supportive wife? How do you grow into a worthy partner and right-hand woman for your partner? Mwereti Kanjo finds out.

If women could have it their way, they would be at their husband’s side all the time. But he wants to go out once in a while to a bar or restaurant where he can joke and make noise with his friends. You do not really mind that, but you just want him to take you with him once in a while.

While you are thinking this, he too might be wishing or wanting to take you with him but he is put off by something about your behaviour.  You know what we’re talking about; that annoying tendency to account for every tambala spent, where you want to control everything he does and keep in check all the time.

Though this is essential in order to stick to a budget, an outing in front of friends is not the right place and time to bring it up. So, what is the solution?

Counsellor and columnist Memory Manjomba says this happens a lot and is a sign of lack of exposure on the part of the women. She says that it is important for any woman to know how to handle herself at all levels and this can be done by associating with different types of people.

However, for situations like these, it is important for the couple to discuss beforehand their expectations of each other, the time that they will be out and where necessary use sign language to avoid embarrassing each other.

“These are the basics that every woman is taught at her bridal shower before getting married but I don’t know what the problem is with most women. A woman must ask her husband if he is okay with what she is wearing and ask him what he expects of her as a wife. We must not assume that we know what he wants.

“Because of failure to be humble, you find that some women don’t know how to dress for the occasion. At a funeral in the village, you cannot wear make-up while in town it’s okay. The same applies to an outing because you ought to fit in with the environment and the crowd,” says Manjomba.

She further advises that a woman must avoid responding to an angry remark from a husband when they are out because it will only make things worse. She says men want to feel kingly and when belittled, they do not take it so well. The best reaction here is to apologise quickly but point it out later in the privacy of your home that you did not like the way he spoke to you.

Agreeing with Manjomba is a Blantyre- based man, Joseph Kasiyama, who says he made a personal decision to never accompany his wife to the market because of similar behaviours. He said all men want is a supportive wife who will enjoy what they do together as much as he does.

“If you ask any man, he will tell you the major weakness of most women is that they are too talkative. If women could learn to control what they say, then maybe most marriages could be saved,” says Kasiyama.