Soul

Bitterness hinders betterment

Forgiveness is a process of letting go of the past and opening to the future— reclaiming energy from events we do not need in our lives—and accepting ourselves fully.

It is a decision to let go of the need for revenge, releasing negative thoughts of bitterness and resentment regardless of whether the person deserves it or not.

You do not gloss over or deny the seriousness of an offense against you.   It is a way of releasing ourselves from the past, from the burden of our own false expectations and from the pain we have experienced at the hands of others.

We are human beings with individual differences and the mirror with which we view life differs. We are bound to perceive issues differently, as a result we step on each other’s toes and thus, forgiveness becomes a necessary tool.

It does not matter how quiet or gentle you are, there will always be issues to resolve with other people.

Forgiving and letting go can be very difficult challenges—the pain, the hurt, the injury—may be too deep and every time you remember the incident, all you do is weep.

It’s even more stressful and painful to hold on to grudges. Remember, you can’t be bitter and be better, therefore, you must forgive.

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or pretending it didn’t happen. It does not mean we can change what happened or erase what was done.

All we can do is release ourselves from continued suffering for what happened to us in the past and dedicate ourselves to making sure it does not happen again in future.

Forgiveness does not mean condoning or excusing offenses. Though it can help repair a damaged relationship, forgiveness doesn’t obligate you to reconcile with the person who harmed you or release them from legal accountability. Instead, forgiveness brings the forgiver peace of mind and frees him or her from corrosive anger.

While there is debate over whether true forgiveness requires positive feelings toward the offender, experts agree it at least involves letting go of deeply held negative feelings.

In that way, it empowers you to recognise the pain you suffered without letting that pain define you, enabling you to heal and move on with your life.

Forgiveness also means separating forgivable people from unforgivable actions.

The process is not something we do for someone else, but to free ourselves from unhealthy pain, anger and shame. Anger gives the appearance of being powerful, but leaves us feeling frustrated and powerless.

Forgiveness appears weak, but leaves us feeling stronger and less vulnerable to others. It is a gift to our own peace of mind, our self-esteem, our relationships with others and our future. It frees us from entanglement in the past.

Here are some easy steps towards forgiveness:

  • Acknowledge your own inner pain.
  • Express those emotions in non-hurtful ways without yelling or attacking.
  • Protect yourself from further victimisation.
  • Visit a counseling psychologist. At times we may need someone else’s point of view to empower our being and strengthen our will to forgive the wrong doer.
  • Try to understand the point of view and motivations of the person to be forgiven; replace anger with compassion.
  • Forgive yourself for your role in the relationship.
  • Decide whether to remain in the relationship.

• Perform the overt act of forgiveness verbally or in writing. If the person is dead or unreachable, you can still write down your feelings in letter form.

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