Coping with divorce

Suddenly the marriage that was meant to last loses direction. Promises can no longer be kept and the trust is broken.

Now that the marriage has hit rock bottom, it is time to call it quits. The painful truth is that life has to continue regardless of the hurt.

The sun continues to rise from the East, setting to the West as the day maintains its 24 hours. How does one face the same world with a heavy heart?

Psychologist Dr Chioza Bandawe suggests emotional divorce as a mechanism of easing the pain caused by divorce.

“Depending on the reason for the divorce, others find it relieving, especially those coming from abusive marriages. But for others, divorce comes with so much pain. There is a sense of guilt, failure and denial.

“The fastest way of getting through such pain is to equally get divorced emotionally. The longer people keep the emotional attachment intact with their ex, the longer and harder it gets to for them to heal,” Bandawe said.

Bandawe advises the newly divorced to seek social support to get over their situation easier and quicker.

“Rather than locking oneself and feeling sorry over what has happened, those who have just separated from their loved ones must surround themselves with people who can provide social support and cheer them up.

“Alternatively, they should keep themselves busy with things they like and enjoy. This is a sure way of fighting loneliness and disrupting thoughts about the predicament they just happened,” he said.

He added that a failed marriage must not be viewed as a waste of time, rather it should strengthen those involved and use the experience positively.

Archbishop Mark Kambalazaza of the Charismatic Redeemed Ministries— while condemning divorce— advises Christians to pray for strength.

“Marriage is meant to last forever according to God who instituted the union. Marriage requires a lot of hard work, but we sometimes find irreconcilable differences and part ways. This is a time to seek God’s intervention. No life must be,” said Kambalazaza.

The bishop further urged those affected to forge ahead and forget the past.

“No one should be burdened with grudges that otherwise belong to the past. Should they move on to another marriage, they must do so with fresh minds and expectations because carrying old feelings does more harm than good,” Kambalazaza said.