Tuesday, July 5, 2022
  • About Us
  • ImagiNATION
  • Rate Card
  • Contact Us
The Nation Online
Advertisement
  • Home
  • News
  • Politics
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Life & Style
    • Every Woman
      • Soul
      • Family
    • Religion
    • Feature
  • Society
  • Columns
  • Sports
  • Chichewa
  • Enation
No Result
View All Result
  • Home
  • News
  • Politics
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Life & Style
    • Every Woman
      • Soul
      • Family
    • Religion
    • Feature
  • Society
  • Columns
  • Sports
  • Chichewa
  • Enation
No Result
View All Result
No Result
View All Result
Home Life & Style EveryWoman Soul

Dealing with a controlling husband

by Staff Writer
31/10/2010
in Soul
3 min read
0
Share on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on WhatsAppShare on LinkedinLinkedinShare via Email

According to experts, trying to deal with and maintaining a relationship with a controlling man requires extra effort and understanding coupled with compromise on a daily basis. Paida Mpaso speaks with women who have had to endure the pressures of controlling spouses.

Right from the beginning of life, women or girls are told to give special attention to their husbands or at least to the man they hope to marry. As life begins to take its toll, marriage counsellors step up and advise that a man is the head of the house, that what he says is final and as wives, they just have to oblige.

The Bible gives no exception to this and advises women to be submissive. However, it further advises the men themselves to love their wives and respect them just as much.

But how much of this can be compromised?

Having grown up in a family where she was free to do what she wanted; wear trousers, make-up and the like, Margaret Phiri * found herself in a very difficult position.

Her husband, whom she dated for three years, had completely changed. The trousers he claimed to have liked were his ‘enemies’ and whenever Phiri wore them to work, he would fret.

Then came the condition that she couldn’t handle; her husband told her to quit her job, saying he would take care of the expenses. All she needed to do was to take care of the children.

“I could handle not wearing make-up or slacks but to quit my job was something I wasn’t prepared to do. We fought over it and when I gave birth to my first born child, I gave in and quit my job. It was the hardest thing I did but I had to save my marriage,” she explains.

Phiri says she understood why her husband put in all those measures and says that because she loved the man, she was prepared to do anything.

“Though I was hesitant at first, I slowly took it in after getting help from a certain marriage counsellor who told me that men do such these for different reasons. All I had to do was compromise,” she says.

With time, the situation slowly changed. Her husband is now comfortable with Phiri’s make up. She has even found a job! She attributes this to patience and Godly guidance from the counsellor.

Another woman, Linda Muthire*, says she could put up with her boyfriend’s demands. She says they had been together for a year when his controlling streak began to show and she told him to take a hike the minute he showed his true colours.

“I grew up wearing [trousers] and if he wasn’t comfortable with them for whatever reason, that was his problem not mine. I had to let him go,” she explains.

Sociologist Pierson Ntata says there are several factors why some men prohibit their wives or girlfriends from wearing make-up, trousers and the like. He says it may sometimes come from the husband’s upbringing.

“If the relationship has issues of trust or if the husband knows that his wife used to misbehave, then he is likely to put down rules. In addition to this,  a husband is likely to be okay with certain things if he grew up watching his sisters do the same.

“[But] the most important thing is to try as much as possible to understand why your husband is doing that. This way, you will know how to behave when you are with him,” he advises.

“The solution to this lies in understanding one another and the expectations you both have of each other. Approach marriage counsellors for help where need be,” Ntata concludes.

* Not their real names

Previous Post

Evaluating one’s life

Next Post

Who do you want to impress?

Related Posts

Soul

‘My battle with breast cancer’

October 31, 2021
Soul

First woman to head prisons transport logistics

October 17, 2021
????????????????????????????????????
Soul

Equipping girls with the power of choice

October 13, 2019
Next Post

Who do you want to impress?

Opinions and Columns

My Turn

Child neglect and street robbery

July 4, 2022
Editor's Note

MPs’ houses to cost taxpayers K60bn

July 3, 2022
Big Man Wamkulu

Her body count is too high, should I dump her?

July 3, 2022
My Thought

Women underutilise digital platforms

July 3, 2022

Malawi-Music.com Top10

Trending Stories

  • APM, Ntaba risk Criminal charges

    0 shares
    Share 0 Tweet 0
  • Artists revel in presidential awards

    0 shares
    Share 0 Tweet 0
  • Dubai firm cries foul

    0 shares
    Share 0 Tweet 0
  • Bank questions import substitution rhetoric

    0 shares
    Share 0 Tweet 0
  • Chakwera u-turns on powers

    0 shares
    Share 0 Tweet 0

  • Values
  • Our Philosophy
  • Editorial policy
  • Advertising Policy
  • Code of Conduct
  • Plagiarism disclaimer
  • Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use

© 2022 Nation Publications Limited. All Rights Reserved.

No Result
View All Result
  • Home
  • News
  • Politics
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Life & Style
    • Every Woman
      • Soul
      • Family
    • Religion
    • Feature
  • Society
  • Columns
  • Sports
  • Chichewa
  • Enation

© 2020 Nation Publications Limited. All Rights Reserved.

This website uses cookies. By continuing to use this website you are giving consent to cookies being used. Visit our Privacy and Cookie Policy.