Dealing with relationship insecurities

Insecurity can be attributed as one factor driving relationships apart.

Several issues pertain to insecurity—driving people to make drastic decisions that negatively impact their relationships.

We have witnessed several incidents in the country where men have been doused with acid, hot water or porridge, beaten or dismembered by their spouses

Women, too, have suffered their share of abuse from men such as beatings or getting kicked out of matrimonial homes because of insecurity.

Tadala Nausa from Blantyre says insecurity mainly stems from different issues within oneself.

For example, she says, a previous but bad relationship may be the source of one’s insecurity in a current relationship.

“Let’s say your previous relationship never worked out because your partner was abusive. You then believe you have moved on by finding a new partner. However, the experience of the abusive relationship always creeps in to develop fear of the new partner whom you think will be violent like in the previous one. That signifies insecurity that may affect the relationship,” she says.

Tadala adds that people also tend to feel insecure as a result of their upbringing.

She observes that a rejection or neglect by parents also gives rise to insecurity.

“Such people feel insecure when they don’t get attention from their partners—always assuming that the past rejection is resurfacing. They then become insecure, thinking their partners do not care anymore,” she explains.

Philip Mmanga also from Blantyre, however, says society values also lead to insecurities in relationships.

He says mostly, we tend to embrace things that society perceives as the right way of doing things and that if we do not follow, then it is ‘ungodly’.

“For example, some societies encourage extended families while others stick to nuclear. When couples from either upbringing meet, quarrels may arise from the different beliefs which, again, may lead to insecurities over undermining of authority within the family set-up,” observed Mmanga.

Lisa Firestone, a psychological expert on relationships says insecurities impact negatively on relationships and there is need to address such issues, no matter the cause.

“There is need to see a counsellor to receive proper counselling that can help with any cause of insecurities in relationships as not doing so will likely lead to negative consequences,” she says. n