Facing and dealing with a cheating husband is one road that no one wants to go through in life. Paida Mpaso finds out some of the best ways of dealing with a mistress who keeps calling you all kinds of names.
No matter how much you suspected it, finding out that the person who has been sending you all kinds of text messages is actually your husbandÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s mistress is enough to drive you out of wits and think of doing something crazy or regrettable. But what is the best way of dealing with such issues?
Should you go over and burn her house or organise some sort of revenge just to get even? Whatever the case, sociologist Jubilee Tizifa says the answer lies in the individuals themselves.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s how you conduct yourself that matters. If you want to get back with your husband, then you will know how to act and revenge or avenge is nowhere near solving the problem,Ã¢â‚¬Â she says.
Josephine Kalua who went berserk when she found out that her husband had a mistress is now living a life with full of regrets. She has nothing but sorrow for her and her children.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“Not only did I lose my husband for good, I had to spend some time in jail for beating and wounding the lady, it was a very bad situation,Ã¢â‚¬Â she says.
According to her, she began receiving threatening messages from her husbandÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s mistress after three years of marriage. She says the worst part of it was that whenever she confronted her husband, he would deny everything and even beat her up at times.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“In spite of the overwhelming evidence that was there, my husband would beat me up severely whenever I brought up the messages.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“When I had had enough of it all, I called a friend [to call the mistress and] pretend as if she was her friend. Fortunate enough, she bought the trick and I went to her house that same afternoon and beat her up severely, I flogged her and did all kinds of things on her including splashing cold water on her,Ã¢â‚¬Â she says.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“Immediately I did those things, I knew I had gone overboard, I did not tell my husband such that when the police came to pick me up for questioning, he was in total shock. Later I went to prison. I, however, wish I had done things differently,Ã¢â‚¬Â she says.
Tizifa further adds that despite the hurt that one may be feeling, fighting back never solves anything. She says prayer and patience will solve a lot of problems.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“The fact that she sends you all kinds of messages may mean that what she is saying is truly the picture your husband gives to her about you, otherwise how is she getting the courage to do that?Ã¢â‚¬Â wonders Tizifa.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s obvious she does not have any respect for you and things become worse if you hit back because then she will know how you are feeling and she can never stop. Keep your calm, just concentrate on your husband. Never forget to pray at all times, God is a God of answers,Ã¢â‚¬Â she adds.
Much as we all can never hold it together when we are being tortured, child protection officer for Blantyre Police Emmanuel Kalungu said intimidation is a case and punishable by law.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“There are so many cases of this nature but people do not come to report them for various reasons.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“When a woman comes to report such cases, we simply call the mistress to discuss with her the dangers of what she is doing. If she doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t comply, then we open up a case,Ã¢â‚¬Â he said.