Do you ever communicate with yourself?

Communication with the core people in your life is important, but equally important (if not more so) is communication with yourself. If you don’t understand why you’re doing the things that you’re doing or why your partner is doing the things they are doing or your partner doesn’t understand what you’re doing, you’re begging for problems that will stand directly in the way of achieving big goals.

Be fully honest with yourself. It’s easy to convince ourselves that our mistakes aren’t really mistakes or that a mistake isn’t really a big deal. As long as we keep telling ourselves that poor choices are okay and not really a problem, we’re going to continue to make poor choices. But listen, don’t be afraid to take yourself to task for mistakes. Be hard on yourself about them sometimes. At the same time, don’t be afraid to feel good about the positive steps you take. Feel ashamed when you don’t bother to take a positive step. Feel proud when you do. Know that excuses are the worst enemy of progress. There is an Indian proverb that goes like: “Somebody who finds excuses in others has a long way to go; one who finds excuses in himself, is almost close to the destination; somebody who does not find any excuse at all, has arrived”.

Excuses are incredibly dangerous things. They provide a convenient reason to not follow up on the positive behaviours we know we should be doing. If you have to provide a reason to explain something you’ve done or are considering doing, it’s an excuse. Good choices do not require a reason or an explanation. If you find yourself making an excuse, whether you’re excusing something you’re about to do or making an excuse for something you already did, that’s a giant warning sign telling you that there’s a change you really need to focus on in your life. Why are you making that excuse, like postponing certain investment or saving decisions? Answering that question to yourself deeply and honestly is perhaps the most valuable investment of time and energy you can make.

At the same time that you’re practicing full honesty with yourself, you should also practice full honesty with your partner. Your partner is usually a big part of achieving your goals, so full honesty here is vital. If you make a mistake, admit it and say so. If you’re struggling, admit it and say so. If you’re frustrated, admit it and say so. It takes far more strength to be honest about such things than to hide them under a false veneer. Wearing a sad or intimidating face and barking at your spouse and children at any slightest provocation when you are bothered with something, will only worsen things. Talk about everything that bothers you – and everything that brings you joy. Actually, they say there is courage in laughter after an affliction. Many people let minor problems fester inside of them until they explode in an emotional burst. Along the way, those festering problems often lead us to making regrettable money and time choices – and we are afraid to say it to our spouses when we flop because we didn’t consult them in the first place. Never, ever let that happen. If something is a problem, say so. Be clear about what the problem is and why it bothers you with the fullest honesty that you can muster. At the same time, encourage your partner to share everything that bothers them and listen to what they’re saying, even if you disagree. If your partner is bothered enough to share it, then there’s a problem there that deserves real attention. The sign of a problem in a relationship isn’t that problems exist – they always will. The problems happen when one person feels that they can’t communicate those problems and that the other person isn’t listening.

Well, this is not a session on how to manage relationships but it’s about the importance of honestly communicating to yourself and those core people in your life before making important investment/money decisions in your life.

A blessed weekend to you.n