Don’t let baby spoil your love life

Everything was rosy and romantic before you had his baby (out of wedlock). After you have given birth, you notice a few shocking changes that make you question whether you should continue with your marriage plans or if at all you should still be in a relationship with your partner. How can you avoid this? Mwereti Kanjo finds out.

He was the sweetest boyfriend you ever had and you were so sure that he was the one. When you got pregnant with his baby before tying the knot, you didn’t really care. After all, you knew that you would eventually get married to him.

But now, the baby is here and you are noticing small, annoying changes. When the baby cries at night, he goes into the next room because he is irritated by the baby’s cries. He rarely helps with the baby and although you are living together, you begin to feel as if you were all alone.

You could be imagining it or not, but whatever the case, you have found yourself questioning whether you really want to make it work with this guy? The only reason keeping you in place is the baby and for his sake, you want to rekindle the love and romance that was once there. How do you do that?

Marriage counsellor and director of family clinic, Constance Masamba says it is the small things in life that can keep a spouse at home. She says a woman simply needs to take up her role, in the house, bedroom, with the children which will in-turn reassure the man that you are there to stay.

According to Masamba, sometimes men opt out because they too are not sure what it is that the woman wants out of the relationship. Blowing small issues out of proportion, shouting, starting quarrels or ignoring your roles as a partner pushes him out of the home.

“What women must know is that what men expect is a sexual relationship and when they achieve this and get it as frequently as they want to the extent of making you pregnant, they relax. What you need to do is then bring back the excitement in the bedroom, wear something sexy and so on. Do not relax thinking that you have his baby and there is nothing that can keep him away. Keep the fire burning all the time,” advises Masamba.

However, a Namiyango resident Patrick Chithonje says sometimes it is not that the man changes but that the woman simply makes herself a victim of circumstances. He points out that a man can make the same mistake in courtship and after having the baby, but the reaction will be different. The woman will always feel that the partner is doing that because he does not care anymore.

On this, Masamba advises that women need to remember that their partner is a human being and he is bound to err.

“This is very true of women and they tend to use their mouths as weapons. What we do not know is that sometimes what we say breaks instead of building. Whether or not you have a child together, he should be given a second chance to change,” says Masamba.