It is not the first time that I have heard women taking the bullet for their men’s unkemptness. Every shabby guy has his woman to suffer the taunts because society believes that the female is responsible for the male’s appearance. Well, to some extent, I agree, but to another degree I disagree. First and foremost, the responsibility to look good and healthy lies in individuals. Couples or partners are there simply to complement existing natures and grapple with the unpalatable ones.
I know women by their nature will point at their partner’s flaws in dressing and a good and loving one tries to assist in amending them. If a button goes loose on a shirt, she will mend it, make sure the hubby’s clothes are clean, ironed, tie strengthened, hair combed, shoes polished and so on, just like she would her child. She may even delegate. A loving man, too, reciprocates by pointing out likely flaws such as when an attire is too revealing, top of bottom wise. Of course, he will not care whether his woman’s laundry is done, but will be quick to raise an alarm on heavy make-up. Why do we do these things? We realise that partner appearances reflect on each other.
But what with stubborn spouses or partners who refuse correction or help? They will insist on wearing a shrivelled shirt or tattered tie in the name of modesty, comfort or busy schedule. They will religiously adhere to their hobo-like look regardless of whom it hurts, leaving their ‘helper’ powerless. With time, stubbornness normalises the anomaly and either parties forgo the routines of looking out for one another. In the public eye, however, judgement is passed and the partner, in particular the woman is deemed uncaring, heartless and unworthy of her role.
Of course, notwithstanding the reality of women who will not care how the better half looks or smells as he leaves the house. She traded that role a long time with her own frustrations. She has her reasons, valid or otherwise, just like that man whose complaints about his wife’s short dresses and conspicuous lipstick have landed on deaf ears. What follows is a silent Armageddon that leaves the public to speculate.
My point is; nobody should be blamed for another’s appearance because a lot goes on behind the walls in our homes. As much as women get blamed for a man’s dirty appearance and foul odour, no man gets the same from a likely situation with his woman. Try living with that man wearing a tucked shirt on one side or repeating his slacks trice in a row first before you pass judgment on his woman. It may just be his incorrigibility at play rather than anything else. n