People usually say money is not a determining factor on whether to marry someone or not. But some marriages have ended because of financial issues. When one is earning less, especially if it is the husband, the wife tends to look down on him. How can he survive this? Mwereti Kanjo seeks advice on this from marriage counsellors.
She promised to love you for better or worse and take you as you are. For the first few years of your union, she loved you unconditionally. She was even okay with the little money that you made. But recently, you have been getting into small fights because she earns more than you and has been giving you the worthless vibe.
Being a man, you are troubled because not only are you now wearing the skirt, but your children might also slowly lose their respect for you. You have been trying to get a job, but luck is failing you. You are afraid that if this continues, you will lose your family and self-respect. So, what do you do?
Columnist and marriage counsellor Memory Manjombe says in any marriage, love must be the driving force and everything else must come second. But where love is failing to hold a marriage, like in this situation, the husband must man-up and take his position in the home. She says it is the duty of any husband to control his wife and women must accept the fact that they will always be second, whether they make more money or not.
According to Manjombe, the problem with most women is that when they earn more than their husbands, they tend to look down upon them and go as far as making a fool of them in public, which is very unfortunate.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“When I say a man must control his wife, I mean that he must be able to counsel her in their home and let her know that he is not happy. Even in issues such as dressing, a husband must be able to tell his wife that he is not happy. Where he fails, he must seek outside counsel.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“But all this can be avoided if there is love and honesty in the family. We have seen well educated women in great jobs who have married and are in love with men who have very little to offer. It is because they respect the decision that they made to love this person and take them as they are. With honesty, during courtship everything must be laid out on the table because you cannot hide things such as salaries forever,Ã¢â‚¬Â says Manjombe.
Speaking on the same, marriage counsellor Constance Masamba says from the word go, people must respect and accept the choice that they made. If a man marries a woman who is illiterate or earns less, he must respect that and where a husband is earning less than his wife, it is no reason for her to look down on him.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“A wife is a helper in the home and this means that she helps her husband in everything. A husband is the head and must always act as such whether he is earning more or not. It all comes down to love and respect. Without these two, a marriage cannot work. So, the couple must learn to love and appreciate each other no matter who is earning more than the other. However, partners should open up about how much they earn at the very beginning of their relationship,Ã¢â‚¬Â advises Masamba.