Facing reality

 

One of my acquaintances recently split up from her husband. The sad part is; they’ve only been married for three years.

They have a beautiful baby boy who has just turned one. Their wedding was the talk of the town. It was an elegant night-time affair with candles and breathtaking centrepieces, exotic flowers imported through Crystal Florists, a beautiful cake, soft music, delectable food and two designer gowns; a white one for the church ceremony and a rich ivory creation for the dinner reception which made the bride look like a pristine princess and a sultry 40’s movie star respectively.

The groom; well-manicured, dark and charming in his immaculate black tuxedos and gleaming shoes (I am told they were Salvatore Ferragamo) looked every inch the ideal man. The atmosphere was lovely and lively; people ate, danced, laughed and had a great time.

The planning was both exciting and ghastly; I remember that the bride spent a lot of sleepless nights making sure that no detail, irrespective of how minute, was overlooked. She had nightmares over the endless disagreements with her parents and her in-laws on, among other things, the number of invited guests, the venue and the décor.

Because they wanted top notch standards and relied upon no-one to ease the financial burden, these two put so much money into the wedding; they incurred a ridiculous amount of debt which they have slowly paid off in the past two years.

Their split, more than anything, reminds me of how ludicrous planning for weddings has become all over Africa. Sometimes it seems as if people put a lot more effort in the wedding itself and in keeping up appearances than they do in ensuring that the two people are compatible (or are willing to work towards being compatible) and that their union will stand the test of time. They put all their focus on the big day and neglect the marriage, the very reason for celebrating.

Sometimes, people might feel pressured to put on a big show just because ‘everyone else is doing it,’ at the expense of setting up their home and planning the upkeep of the little bundles of joy God might bless them with during the marriage. They might spend so much money on the festivities that they go through their first year in marriage living hand to mouth or paying off numerous debts; the venue, the dress, the decor, the food!

Sure, every little girl dreams of her perfect white wedding; but as we grow, is it not wiser to trim and alter that day to suit our budgets? After all, the most important thing is getting the union blessed before God, Allah or the higher power we believe in. Can we not compromise on the rest? Should we push to have a lunch reception for 600 guests when we know that our resources will comfortably permit us to have a classy intimate function with a braai or snacks served for only a 100 people? Would we rather spend the last of our savings on flowers that will wilt or seek creative alternatives that will enable us to use that money in building up funds to build/buy our own home as a couple or getting a proper education for our children (when we have them)? Should we let wedding fever whirl us into a spending frenzy or should we realistically control our plans and expectations?

As a young woman who grew up as an all out girlie girl, I will honestly tell you that I would give anything to make my dreams of a big white, extravagant, elegant wedding come true. The little girl in me still yearns for that. But, as I grow and see the world for what it really is, I have prepared myself for the fact that I will probably have to face reality and make a few resourceful alterations to that dream for the greater good.