Fatherhood against odds

A man in Lilongwe is drawing people’s attention and receiving praise for doing what men rarely do: going to work with a child strapped to his back.

Kenson Kapito, 44, draws curious looks when he passes people on his way to Area 14 where he is employed as a cook, his daughter aged three strapped to his back with a wrap cloth (chitenje) as mothers do.

“People stare at me and wonder what could have happened to the child’s mother for me to be carrying her to my workplace every day,” says Kapito, a resident of Msilidza, in Lilongwe. He comes from Chikhwawa.

In Malawi, as in many African countries, it is common to see women moving about with young children firmly secured to their backs with a chitenje.

Some men do the same for various reasons, such as when taking a child to hospital, but they are a rare sight. So it becomes strange for a man to carry a child on his back to work.

Kapito says he lost his wife on February 12, 2013 after she fell ill. After her burial at Bonga Village, T/A Njolomole in Ntcheu, he left the child with the deceased’s relations and returned to Lilongwe.

“Before I left for Lilongwe, we agreed, in conformity with tradition, that the child would stay with my late wife’s relations,” says Kapito.

Within a month of his return to Lilongwe, Kapito received a telephone call from his late wife’s relatives, informing him that Anne, the daughter, had been taken ill. He rushed back to Ntcheu.

“When I reached the village, I found the child in very bad condition. She had completely changed,” recalls the soft-spoken Kapito. “She had lost weight and had diarrhoea.”

Kapito says it was then that he decided to take the child to his home at Chipula Village, Traditional Authority (T/A) Kasisi in Chikhwawa. There, he left the child in the care of his mother for a while.

After staying at his home for four days, he took the child back to his late wife’s home village, but the child refused to stay behind, opting to go with him to Lilongwe.

“I didn’t want to lose her, so I brought her with me to Lilongwe,” Kapito says.

He now says he is a mother to his child.

“I do everything a mother does for a young child, including carrying her on my back,” he says.

Although he lives with a stepson, Kapito takes the child to his workplace so that he provides maximum care for her, adding: “I’m very grateful to my employers for allowing me to have the child with me at work.

“When I’m at work, I leave the child to play on her own. Sometimes she playfully offers to help me sweep the compound. She is such a sweet child. But I thank my employers for their understanding.”

Kapito has become a familiar sight as he passes through streets in some sectors of Area 47 almost every day on his way to and from work on foot, oblivious of staring eyes.

The affection he gives his daughter has earned him praise from people, especially women in his neighbourhood, some of whom offer to assist him in one way or another.

“People get surprised when they see me carry the child on my back like a woman. But they do commend me saying it is very rare for men to care for a toddler the way I am doing,” says Kapito.

Impressed by Kapito’s conduct, one woman bought clothes for the little girl and also gave the loving father some soya flour for the child. Others have also helped in similar ways.

“They all say most men in my situation would have left the child with relations,” he says.

Kapito says although he is employed, he still has a long way to go in as far as bringing up the child is concerned.

“I pray to God to give me long life so that I should look after her,” says Kapito.

The child was with her mother on the day she breathed her last at Ntcheu District Hospital. As a child, she senses nothing sinister about her mother’s absence, and thinks her mother will return home.

“She says her mother is still in hospital and often implores me to call her to let her know we are going to bring her home. Those are moments that make me tearful,” says Kapito.