Financial infidelity-should you reveal all expenses?

Where money involved, trouble is likely to brew, especially if it is not handled carefully. Just how much do you share with your spouse about your money? Should you reveal how you spent every single Kwacha? Mwereti Kanjo asks this pertinent question.

It may start off with something simple as buying a pair of shoes before discussing it with your spouse. Afraid that you might disappoint him, you might lie that you got them in a sale or worse still, hide them in your closet to pass them off as an old pair.

Before you know it, you are hiding you finances from your spouse and there is loss of trust of the marriage. This is what others have termed as financial infidelity.

Wikipedia defines financial infidelity as a term used to describe the secretive act of spending money, possessing credit and credit cards, holding secret accounts or stashes of money, borrowing money, or otherwise incurring debt unknown to one’s spouse, partner, or significant other.

Issues to do with money are always very controversial and if not handled carefully, even in a marriage, there will be problems. Obviously, there are benefits of being open about your finances to your partner; but just how much should he know?

Marriage counsellor and director of Family Clinic, Constance Masamba says the moment two are declared husband and wife, they become one. Therefore,  they should share every detail about their money.

She says by doing this, the couple will avoid future disputes and betrayal of trust. It puts the couple on the same page, allowing them to live a life that they can afford.

“There are surprises, such as buying a car or house without having talked to your spouse, which will bring problems. Because chances are that your partner will begin to wonder where you got enough money to make such a purchase and it becomes more problematic if your spouse believes that the money could have been used for something better,” Masamba points out.

Some couples prefer having a joint account where they can each make a monthly contribution and prefer to use the balance for their personal things. Still, Masamba advises that it is just important for couples to detail out how they are going to spend that balance.

Family advisor Mary Hunt says couples trying to overcome financial infidelity should acknowledge and show remorse. Your spouse needs to know that you are truly, sincerely sorry for what you have done.

Understand and promise change.   Share details and offer reassurance. Your spouse has every right to know the full extent of your financial indiscretions as well as your specific plans for recovery.

Commit yourself fully and consider counselling. One of the keys to financial harmony is mutual respect and accountability. Let your spouse know that you are 100 percent committed to debt-proof living.