(Lazaro has applied to court to sanction firing of some of his aides)
Court clerk: All silence! The court of his Lordship Judge Mbadwa is now in session.
Judge Mbadwa: This tribunal is once again hearing an application from the leader of Tokha Alliance, his Excellency Lazaro. The court invites counsel for Lazaro, Tito Mavalidwe to convince the court why it should entertain this application.
Mavalidwe: My Lord, we want to make amendments to an earlier application we made in this court. I told this court that it is the conviction of Lazaro that some people he hired are bent on damaging his reputation as a new broom that will sweep clean the dirt of corruption and inefficiency that had accumulated during the reign of Mapuya.
My Lord, Lazaro wanted this court to now fire all presidential handlers for promoting their interests and creating a perception that Lazaro is not in control of things.
My lord, you have heard how some estate managers or aides allegedly sexed figures for whatsoever reasons in the procurement of goods and services while others were conniving to fleece Nyasaland Oil Company out of its gasoline money, something Lazaro never sanctioned.
The standoff between Nyasaland Oil Company and Nyasaland Energy Regulatory Authority has presidential handlers written all over it.
The failure by authorities to sanitise the Nyasaland Rural Electrification Project, too, is the doing of some handlers. And there is more.
All presidential handlers have to go because they have been responsible for my client’s flip-flopping on various critical issues that he has to handle, including on appointments and policy.
For instance, my lord, our client never wanted to send Bruxelles someone from his house. It was an idea of an overzealous appointing officer and aides who thought they would endear themselves to the president with that appointment. Now our client has to mop up the filth they created.
These handlers, my lord, are not interested in advancing the Tokha Alliance or (Tokha Alliance re Liars) agenda because they want to make hay while the sun shines. My lord, people who are competing for the attention of Lazaro are going an extra mile sugarcoating self-serving decisions as if they would serve the interests of the citizens.
It has come to the attention of my client that these handlers, including some ministers, are serving their own interests forgetting that the people who voted Lazaro into power got tired of the monster of arrogance that Mapuya and People’s Demagogic Party had created.
Why should they be fired by this court? Well Lazaro’s hands are tied because there is legal advice that makes it difficult for a hiring authority to fire and hire at will as this has cost taxpayers billions of kwacha and the government cannot afford to lose more.
But Lazaro believes this court can be moved to fire people who have misinterpreted his servant leadership into a parochial agenda.
My client Lazaro believes he was hoodwinked into hiring these graduates of the People’s Demagogic Party (PDP) School of theft and fraud. My Lord, Lazaro cannot allow some people who are already captured by various people of influence to confine his presidency as well and let him dance to their sad tunes. I rest my case.
Mbadwa: It is strange that your client, Lazaro, is complaining now when he should have conducted due diligence in the hiring process to ensure that only those who can embrace the concept of true servant leadership find themselves close to him. We will adjourn till the same time next week when we will make a preliminary ruling on whether the application can be entertained.