Gaps in the minibus metaphor

October 19 2021

I

t seems Malawi politics and travel analogies are sweet bedfellows. Remember how former President Bakili Muluzi brought us the ‘wapa kaliyala saimba belu saying?

In essence, he was telling us ‘if you are a Vice-President, your position is on the carrier, and you have no way to ring the bell instead of the President who is the cyclist’—very crude and brutal, really.

And then, during the campaign period Malawi Congress Party (MCP) president Lazarus Chakwera and his running mate Saulos Chilima used to remind us that we were on a journey towards Canaan. In this analogy, Chakwera seems to have taken the position of Moses, leading we Israelites from Egypt to the land of milk and honey.

Mind you, the beauty with analogy and metaphors is that they always have a double meaning, double-entendre if you like. We Israelites may soon think about the pots of meat and lots of watermelons in Egypt being better than the bitter water at Marah in the wilderness. There was horror in that desert towards Canaan, like those friends who were swallowed up by the earth. And, by the way, neither Moses nor Aaron made it to Canaan!

The analogy we have been given now is that we are in a minibus of sorts. Chakwera on Monday explained this minibus metaphor, saying he is driving the minibus to a certain village to deliver to the rest of us three things—jobs, wealth and food.

He referred to Chilima as the mechanic who has to fix up things if the vehicle is not pulling, the headlights off or some oil leakages threaten our journey. ‘As for the conductors, we have ministers and controlling officers, who have to ensure that they collect the correct fares and provide the correct change so that at the end of the day, no penny is lost in this journey’.

A very plausible way of putting matters into perspective. But, like I said, most analogies have double meanings and this one is no exception.

For instance, how many minibuses move about with mechanics? Most of us will bang against walls to remember the last time that happened. What most minibus owners do is spare a weekend for some service, if they can.

Chakwera forgot to tell us about the passengers in this minibus. Certainly, they are not the Malawians, since in his words, these are only waiting for the goods at the end of the journey. What happens along the way is none of their business.

One can speculate, then. The passengers can be our dear donors. If a passenger can have enough money, they can tell the minibus driver to change route and go the other way.

Not so long ago, we heard the British warned Malawians against using coal energy. Fossil fuels have been known to be the major cause of the climate change that is on everybody’s lips today. So, the passengers will say no to the coal route, and say clean energy is better. In fact, Trade minister Sosten Gwengwe said the other day that it was important for him to be on the entourage to the CoP 26 in Glasgow because seeking clean energy is important and that can only come from Europe.

And, by the way, let me come back to this, after commending our presidents for championing tree planting. It needs no reminder that, like his predecessors, Chakwera led us into a tree planting season last year. And when he opened Parliament for the first time, what did he do? Plant a tree. So, when you cut one, replace it and even plant more.

But I digressed. We are in a village waiting for a minibus driven by Chakwera with Chilima on the ready as the mechanic and ministers and heads of ministries, departments and agencies as the conductors. We were saying the donors can be the passengers.

At times, the passengers cannot really be passengers. They are what are called in street parlance, ‘a thaiming’i’. These are people who board the minibus at the stage but do not have a destination. They are just there to fool real passengers to get on board, only to find out that they are going nowhere.

These type of passengers are the President’s cronies, who may want to fool others that they are together on this journey of goodwill. At the end of the day, these cronies drop off and get into the next bus and fool more travellers. As they walk out of the bus, they fleece some cash from the willing conductor, your controlling officer!

These are people who jump from one party to the next as long as there is some cash to pilfer from the conductor, nay controlling officer.

Chakwera didn’t mention ojiya. These are the clever chaps who will block your way and make you board a minibus at all costs.

I see the media teams here! They spend time to force us onto a minibus they know is broken down and needs a mechanic to fix it every time.

By the way, minibus drivers and conductors are very shrewd. They break the law just like that.

They pack you in four-four, but when they are told there is a traffic officer ahead, they drop some passengers off with disregard.

And then, since Chakwera is away, should we say Chilima now is the dalaivala wa ganyu?

This minibus analogy is so deep. Too deep. That, I say, when I think that fuel prices have gone up and the conductor has to raise the price!