Get your privacy

Privacy is an important part of life. It gives one the chance to own their responsibilities and make decisions. But this is an opportunity not often granted by parents who want to keep track of what their children are up to. How can you gain the trust you need from your parents without causing any suspicions?

As you grow older, things around you change. You become your own person. As such, you expect your parents to respect the person you are becoming and give you the necessary space to do so. Your privacy is essential at this stage.

Of course, understandably, this will not come easy to many parents. They will have a very hard time with accepting this one because naturally parents are there to protect their children.

But it becomes a problem when they may feel that everything their kids do is their business. They check their emails, phone messages, snoop around in the room and expect you to go by their line of thought all the time.

So how do you talk to your parents?

Family expert, Patrick Semphere says if you feel your privacy is being trampled upon, the manner of communication is dependent on the extent to which you are open about matters with your parent. He says if your relationship is close and you do not need protocols to pour your heart out, then share the concern without beating about the bush.

If the concern relates to one parent, then you may want to channel your concern through the ‘innocent’ parent.

“Naturally, parents may be inclined to snoop around to verify the extent to which their child has become responsible. They may not engage in this exercise out of the malice but in good faith as they do not wish to discover too late that their child has plunged in a dungeon of self-destruction.

“However, there is a point at which a parent ought to strike a balance between becoming a spy-agent and being indifferent about the welfare of the child,” advises Semphere.

According to Semphere, most parents are more than prepared to let go of their children and build trust in them but this is dependent on whether the child has established a basis for that trust. He says to convince that there is nothing to hide, you have to periodically take them on a tour into your space. Avoid being protective about your things, be willing to share details of friends you are associating with and so forth.

Professor in psychology Chiwoza Bandawe says the most important thing is to speak about your feelings to your parents without accusing them of anything. He says by doing this, you are taking responsibility of your emotions.

“Your parents may not change at once but what that will do is let them know the truth about your feelings. Eventually, the parent might respect you and give you the space you need. Most parents struggle with letting go when they realise you are taking your own path. What is needed is to convince your parents that you can be trusted,” says Bandawe.