Nsanje Lalanje at Balaka Chibuku Tavern would like to remind all men that, according to the constituency’s grading, coordinators are in two grades—portables, and body and trailers.
Portables are those coordinators that are slim and fairly tall. They can run fast when in trouble and are generally kind. Many of them do not eat a lot probably because their tummies are not that big.
They do not need big and strong beds because they can share a three-quarter bed with a man. That means a reasonable rest house is enough for them.
There are times when MG1 knows about the escapades and it is the duty of the man to hide the coordinator should she storm into the room. Portable coordinators can be easily hidden under the bed, in a wardrobe or even behind your back.
When they sleep, portables rarely snore. This is because they do not pull and push much air inside and outside their lungs.
And they are generally polite. It is not because they are born like that, but they know they cannot fight any man. Because of such weakness, they have little things to do apart from spending most of their time on Facebook.
Body and trailer coordinators are different. For them, make-ups are their priority. They make sure that their bodies wear whatever cosmetics are available in town. Their lips and eye-brows are the most looked after.
When you propose to them, they are cautious in responding. This is because they want to know you more by, among other things, asking about your wealth. They have to know what type of car you drive, where you are stay—low or high density area—and where you work.
That is not all; they would want to be assured about the size of your cheque. This is phase one of the interview.
The second part is social. The body and trailer coordinators would want to know the type of beer you take. If you don’t, then count yourself out. Again, if you take local brew, know that you have failed the interview. For them, it should be wine, so the question is the type of the wine that you take.
They ask about the places you like to spend your weekends at. If it is at cheap places, know that you have failed the test. And any accommodation that is less than K20 000 per night will put you in trouble. The bed should be wide enough to accommodate them. And the mattresses should be eight inches for the sake of their comfort.
If you play tricks with them, you will be lucky to go unscathed.