Handling behaviour change during on-set of puberty

Most childcare experts argue that as children attain puberty, they become not only difficult to handle, but begin to withdraw.

Paida Mpaso explores some of the strategies parents can use to correct and rebuke their children without offending them or making them feel unappreciated.

One of the common traits in children growing towards puberty is anger and the feeling of not belonging to their family or friends’ circle. While handling children’s anger can be puzzling and distressing for adults, experts say, children, especially when they are attaining puberty, need to be handled with care.

Chiwoza Bandawe, one of the psychologists in Malawi, says most adolescents will try to be rebellious. Parents need to talk to them nicely and try as much as possible not to offend them.

“It becomes quite difficult to handle children when they turn into adolescent teens. It is that time in which they go through a major transformation in their lives. The puberty calls for a number of emotional, mental and biological changes, which is one of the major reasons for their unpredictable behaviour.

“Thus, at this point, it is very necessary for the parents to be understanding as well as patient. However, most of the parents find it very difficult to tackle the situation,” he says.

Chiwoza says parents must allow children to express all their feelings.

“Adult skills can then be directed toward showing children acceptable ways of expressing their feelings. Strong feelings cannot always be denied, and angry outbursts should not always be viewed as a sign of serious problems, they should be recognised and treated with respect.

“To respond effectively to overly aggressive behaviour in children, we need to have some ideas about what may have triggered an outburst. Therefore, have time to listen to them, let them give their opinion, and try to come up with a solution. As a parent, never forget to lay down the rules,” adds Chiwoza.

He further says adolescents’ boundaries need to be clearly outlined to the individual.

“It is important that parents continuously advise their children on what is permissible and what is not. Otherwise, the situation can turn dire. Parents must continually talk to their children. That way children may not feel left out after all, and as a parent, you might not lose the bond that you have with them,” he advises.