Has the church failed on pre-marital sex?

The figures may not be there to capture the situation in Malawi, but how many people can honestly claim to have never had sex before marriage? Does the fact that many people engage in pre-marital sex means the church has failed its duty to teach the faithful about the value of shunning sex before marriage? BRIGHT MHANGO tries to answer the question.

A study published in Public Health Reports, 2002, in which researchers analysed data from four cycles of the National Survey of Family Growth from 1982 to 2002, which included information on sexual and marital behaviours, showed that by age 20, 75 percent of Americans have had premarital sex.

The number rises to 95 percent by age 44. Even among those who abstained from sex until 20 or beyond, 81 percent have had premarital sex by 44, the survey shows.

Such information is not readily available in Malawi where it would not be easy to get respondents for such a survey, but it is safe to conclude that the results are likely to be the same for Malawi as they are for America.

In America, 75 percent of the population claim they are Christians while in Malawi 80 percent claim to be Christian and 15 percent Muslim.

This means that most of the people that are having sex before marriage are religious people. So does this mean that religion is failing to shape, dictate and check lewdness, debauchery and ungodly behaviour in society?

That is the question Nation on Sunday flung at Malawians gathered around the Facebook fireplace.

Justice Banda, a Chancellor College finalist, said religion cannot stand forces such as modernisation and, thus, it is failing to check its followers’ behaviour.

“…with the high rate of growth in technology, sex is very easy to find. Religion is no longer a source of morality as it used to be. Religion has largely gone into worldly issues such that the value it had is no more,” said Banda.

He also argued that because religious teachers no longer have a place in the lives of today’s people, they fail to check people because they have no mandate.

Banda’s assertion drew criticism from Owen Soko, an agriculturalist based in Machinga, who argued that the moral decay of today has nothing to do with religious leaders, but rather it is the youth themselves who should take the flak for the problem.

“Pastors and Sheiks are trying their best to stress the importance of abstinence/delayed sex…I strongly believe the problem is with the youth themselves. There is deep-rooted unfaithfulness on the part of one or both partners. If men and women not married to each have faith, they cannot engage in pre-marital sex. That would be trying to receive something not given from heaven – It is like trying to steal from God’s hand,” said Soko.

He further argued that many people are having sex because they think everyone is having it, a view echoed by Welton Singano, a staunch Adventist and businessman.

Singano lays the blame squarely on Hollywood.

“It’s Hollywood that’s killing us. Almost every romance movie you watch portrays sex outside the wedlock. These movies have brainwashed us so much that we think fornication is okay and not a big deal. We should be careful when choosing what our eyes watch. Let’s not allow our lives to be shaped by people like movie directors whose marriages and society [America?] are a mess. Our lives should be guided by Holy-word not Hollywood,” charged Singano.

Laura Mwamlima, a CCAP member, agreed with Soko and put the blame on individuals.

“I think that most people especially, Christians, compromise when it comes to such matters. For non-believers, sex is part of love, if not the basis of a relationship. For believers, you discover that some are told by peers that it’s okay to have sex as long as you know you are going to get married or about to.

“So it’s not exactly about religion, but individuals. In this era, we have been made to believe that it’s impossible to stay in a relationship without sex, so almost everyone has such a mindset,” said Mwamlima.

Human rights activist Billy Mayaya also somehow couldn’t ignore the question. He said religion offers a value system for regulating morality, but in the real world where peer pressure and curiosity prevail, people succumb to such pressures and end up compromising these highly held values.

“Additionally, lack of sex education in schools and in homes during the formative years serves as barriers for sexually active couples to make informed choices and thus their sexual debut until the context of marriage,” said Mayaya.

Reverend Clifford Baloyi, moderator of the Livingstonia CCAP Synod, disowned the US survey, saying it would be unreasonable to comment on a survey that was conducted on Americans.

Instead, he commented on the general decline in morality.

Said Baloyi: “If there can be a survey on Malawians and it showed that there is a rise in premarital sex, it would then be proper to comment. The fact that youths of today are more promiscuous doesn’t mean that the church has failed. It rather means that the many cultures that are around are influencing the behaviour of youths.

“The church has for a long time now been saying that issues such as condoms fuel such behaviours. It is the responsibility of the parents and the church to teach the youths using the Bible as the guide.”

He, however, said there is no guarantee that when parents and the church teach the youths the message will translate into change.

Baloyi laid the responsibility back on the youths, saying the onus to avoid pre-marital sex is on them.

He advised them to use the Bible as their guide.

He called on the church to intensify teaching, to study the youth, the new influences and strategies on how best to contain them.

The Bible (1 Corinthians 6: 18-20) says “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins people commit are outside their bodies, but those who sin sexually sin against their own bodies. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your bodies.”

The Quran has not spared premarital sex, although the lack of a proper translation causes debate among scholars on whether it actually said premarital sex in Qur’an 17 where God orders Muhammad to tell people, saying: “…And do not go anywhere near zina (extramarital sexual intercourse): it is an outrage, and an evil path.”

Even in the Hadith, the other book Muslims refer to apart from the Q’uran, speaks as narrated by Abdullah bin Umar of a Jew that Muhammad had stoned after being found having sex with a woman (Hadith 413, Book 23)

Of course, there are some minds such as Daniela Zgambo who say religion should not dictate what man does and that sex should be taken as chocolate or beer where anyone can have as much as they want as long as they are responsible.