If you’re finding that you make the same New Year’s resolution about your relationship year after year and fail, a clinical social worker, offers some ways to set and maintain healthy changes that will help you to have the relationship you long for this year.
Connection: The fast pace at which we all live can often mean we pass our partner by. Making time to meaningfully connect with the people we love is critically important in a relationship. Many people feel disconnected from their partner for one reason or another. The important thing to remember is that it is possible to reconnect again. Make this a priority.
Increasing or improving intimacy: Every relationship goes through ebbs and flows with intimacy. If you are feeling that you and partner have lost the intimacy take comfort in the fact that many couples will experience a dry patch. Set your intention and book some quiet time together. The passion will usually return when you do.
Learn your partner’s love language: Find out the love language you and your partner speak. Then make a real effort to speak the language they crave. This allows both of you to feel loved and connected and more willing to move toward each other.
Have fun and be more playful: Joy is often the first casualty in a busy, stressful life. It is important to resolve to have fun and enjoy your relationship. Put a few dates and activities in your diary. No matter what else is going on in your life DO NOT remove these. Making time to be playful can be a real boost to your relationship.
Remember why you got together in the first place: We all change. But the unique characteristics you first noticed in your partner, the very essence of what you fell in love with, is most likely still there, unchanged. Sometimes it just lays forgotten, covered up by money stress, parenting responsibilities, career focus, household chores and just plain exhaustion. Spend some time remembering why you both fell in love and some of your most connected happy memories.
Show your love: Expressing love looks different for all of us. If you feel that you are not told often enough that you are loved then think about all of the ways that your partner demonstrates their love for you each and every day. Love is a verb. Express it in as many ways as you can. In your thoughts, words and your actions.
And remember that love doesn’t have to be a sweeping gesture. Showing love is about small acts every day that have huge significance for us and our partner.
Be affectionate: All human beings need to be touched. However, we all have different levels of affection that we are comfortable with. Public displays of affection can include hand holding or touching your partners back or shoulder. Letting them know that you are there for them. In private, giving a hug at the end of a difficult day or greeting each other with a kiss really can make a huge difference and of course let’s not forget intimate moments.
Make each other a priority: This can be challenging if you have children. My advice is to carve out a little time each day. Also aim for at least one time a month where the focus is just the two of you. Making time to prioritise your relationship pays off big time. Work out what your core values are and take action every day to move you toward them. This is about prioritising you. It is important to love and accept who you are. After all, if you don’t love and know yourself, how can you expect your partner to? Take time to think about what you really value in your life. What is most important to you? Then take one action every day that aligns with that value.—Lifestyle.com.au