Divorce or break-ups are never easy. Getting through them needs a special outlook to life and becoming a different person all together. Some have lost their minds from breaking up with a loved one and others have never been able to love again and despise all men. What are some of the steps that you can follow in the healing process? MWERETI KANJO asked psychologist Sandra Mapemba and this is what she said.
A divorce is a highly stressful, life-changing event. When youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re going through the emotional turmoil and dealing with major life changes, itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s more important than ever to take care of yourself.
Learning to take care of yourself can be one of the most valuable lessons you learn following a divorce or break-up. As you feel the emotions of your loss and begin learning from your experience, you can resolve to take better care of yourself and make positive choices going forward.
Make time each day to nurture yourself
: Help yourself heal by scheduling daily time for activities you find calming and soothing. Go for a walk in nature, listen to music, enjoy a hot bath, get a massage, read a favourite book, take a yoga class or savour a warm cup of tea.
Pay attention to what you need:
In any given moment and speak up to express your needs. Honour what you believe to be right and best for you even though it may be different from what your ex or others want. Say “no” without guilt or anxiety as a way of honouring what is right for you.
Stick to a routine:
A divorce or relationship break-up can disrupt almost every area of your life, amplifying feelings of stress, uncertainty, and chaos. Getting back to a regular routine can provide a comforting sense of structure and normalcy.
Take time out:
Try not to make any major decisions in the first few months after a separation or divorce, like starting a new job or moving to a new city. If you can, wait until youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re feeling less emotional so that you can make better decisions.
Avoid using alcohol, drugs or food to cope:
When youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re in the middle of a break-up, you may be tempted to do anything to relieve your feelings of pain and loneliness. But using alcohol, drugs or food as an escape is unhealthy and destructive in the long run. ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s essential to find healthier ways of coping with painful feelings.
Explore new interests
: A divorce or break-up is a beginning as well as an end. Take the opportunity to explore new interests and activities. Pursuing fun, new activities give you a chance to enjoy life in the here-and-now, rather than dwelling on the past.
Follow the steps above, and most of all seek professional help. Remember that friends and family are biased Ã¢â‚¬â€œ therefore professional help will be objective and assist in moving beyond. It is important to move beyond and not get stuck in the past. This is even more important if there are children involved because our toxins will eventually poison those around us.
In next weekÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s edition, Mapemba provides more steps on how to fully accept break-up for those being kept back with denial, jealousy and still in-love with their ex.