You find out that your father is cheating on your mother. What do you do? Do you talk to the father and hope he will be sensible, confront the other woman or tell your mother that her husband is a good for nothing lying infidel? Mwereti Kanjo seeks the answers.
According to marriage counsellors Constance Masamba and Regina Phanga, not telling her is actually the best thing to do in this situation.
They say it is not the childÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s place to tell their mother because this might destroy the marriage.
Masamba says just like the mother, as a daughter, you are also a victim in this situation and you obviously feel hurt. Because of this, your presentation of the situation to your mother will be full of emotions which will yield bad results. She advises that the best solution is to talk to the father in the hope of getting him back to his senses.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“This is a very sensitive matter that must be handled carefully. It can destroy the marriage if mishandled. If possible, you should talk to your father and let him know that you are aware of what is happening. Reason with him by asking him if he thinks extra marital affairs will help him as an individual and if they will help your family.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“The problem with telling the mother will be that both daughter and mother are hurt by the news of the affair and when the father comes around; he will feel attacked which in most cases will be the reality.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“If the father is adamant on remaining with the other woman, take a step further and report this to the ankhoswe (marriage counsellors), who will know how best to handle it. But, do not tell your mother,Ã¢â‚¬Â advises Masamba.
Phanga, on the other hand, saysÃ‚Â if your father refuses to hear what you have to say, the next best option is to wait until your mother discovers it on her own. Eventually, your mother mightÃ‚Â notice some changes in the family
Ã¢â‚¬Å“If she is laid back and cool, you can tell her but donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t be too straight forward about it. You can simply say you saw your dad with so and so but youÃ‚Â donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t know what they were talking about and leave her to make her conclusions. She will take appropriate actions,Ã¢â‚¬Â says Phanga.