Hubby never calls me on the phone

Dear BMW,

I am a nurse and most of the time I work during odd hours. Sometimes I am on call from 3.30am to 12 noon or from 12 noon to 3:30am. As you can imagine, this schedule is very hard for a married woman to manage her life in the bedroom. But my husband of 12 years has not complained about it and is supportive of my career. We do make up at every opportunity, so in that department, we are fine.

However, I am a little worried that he does not even care to give me a call during the night or day. He says he does not want to disturb me as I deal with patients in the operating theatre. But Biggie, I miss him a lot because all my friends get to talk to their hubbies. It’s always I calling him.

Does it mean my man doesn’t care for me?

Night Nurse, Lilongwe, via WhatsApp

Dear Night Nurse,

Come on night nurse, do not kill patients or forget a syringe in someone’s butt for nothing. This man loves you, that’s why he has been starving or is it fasting for 12 years with you. So you want to throw all you have built together because of phone calls?

Woman, do you want a man, who is all over you, a man who sniffs all over you like a puppy to ensure that you are not reeking of ‘strange’ cologne?  Do you want a man who rummages through your handbags, undergarments and phone for incriminating evidence? Woman you are ungrateful. Most women would kill to have that man of yours.

BMW

Fat getting in the way

Dear BMW

I am in dire need of your help because I am sure you are the only one who will be able to help me with my dilemma. I have been married to my husband for 12 years. I still love him more now than I did before. But we have one problem, our sex life has dwindled.

We have both gained so much weight in the 12 years that sex has become so unpleasant. We both become so tired and out of breath so quickly and our stomachs somehow get in the way.

 I used to enjoy having sex with my husband but now it has become such a daunting task. Positions that we once found sexy have now become embarrassing because of our weight gain. It is not that we still don’t find each other attractive. What do we do? We just need help.

SM, Mzuzu, via WhatsApp

Dearest SM,

Trust me, you are not the only couple faced with such a problem. In fact, if you look around, how many married people do you see who still maintain their shape, very few.  Kids, responsibilities and work can take a toll on our lives. By the time we realise something is wrong we have gained so much weight. Sandra, I know truth hurts, but sometimes it can set you free. So, here are some truths or half-truths that Biggie feels might be of help: You are fat (I know, it’s insensitive to tell a lady that she is fat) but you are and need to hit the gym right now. You and your husband need to get out of that bedroom (before you break it) and hit the road running.

Too much weight does affect certain aspects of our lives and sex is one of them. If you ignore my advice today, I can bet that one day, God forbid, one of you shall have a heart attack! Your husband’s heart and yours cannot keep up with thrusting. Get healthy and fit again my dear Sandra, to get your life back. n