I am being haunted by nudes

Dear Biggie,

I am a girl aged 23, a tech freak studying ICT at one of the private colleges in Blantyre. I am a nude’s maniac. My obsession for nudes started way back in 2009, when smart phones popped up on the market.

It all started with taking simple semi-nude selfies and posting them on Facebook so that my friends would like them. Then one day, while in the shower I took a nude shot. I liked it and before I knew it, I had mastered the art of taking nudes and sharing them with my boyfriend. Biggie, I am now a nutcase and I have a stock pile of semi-nude pictures on Facebook and WhatsApp.

I also have a trove of real nudes. However, recent cases of people leaking other people’s nudes are sending shivers down my spine. I have so much nudes, I fear some of them might end up landing in the wrong hands.

 Should I stop posting such things online?

HN, via WhatsApp, Lilongwe

 Dearest HN,

Technology is a good thing. Humanity has every reason to appreciate it. However, like any other new thing, we have to be careful how we use it or else it may bring more harm than good to many people.

There is no doubt that it’s much easier these days and less expensive to take pictures compared to back in the days. Today, nearly all the phones in the hands of children are smart phones — and so recording and transmitting pictures and videos is chicken feed.

Back in the day, when Biggie was a small boy, owning a camera was not child play. Not many families could own this expensive gadget. Pictures were only taken during Christmas—or other occasions — as a way of recording history.

Those who could not afford had to visit photographic studios down town Blantyre—or arrange with a cameraman. One had to book to get their services.

Those who could afford a camera used it sparingly as the cost of film was exorbitant. Families kept albums, and it was here that all the pictures were stored — safely away from children. The albums were kept for visitors. The most difficult part of ‘photography’ was taking pictures. All the participants had to stand still. Instructions came from the photo-man. He would tell you when to smile or say cheers!

To appear in the picture, one had to dress in their Sunday best— it was important that everyone looked smart. If not holding a flower [for ladies], we [men] would be standing with our hands akimbo. Trust me, I miss those days.

Today, however, things have changed. People, especially, you, the youth, do not respect the art of photography. It’s like it has lost meaning. Evil girls, such as yourself and your likes are deriving pleasure in taking nude pictures and posting them on social media just to be famous!

You think that by exposing your thin legs, flat ass, water-marked thighs or stretch mark-laden boobs, you will become socialites? Huu, Tell me, will you be a socialite until you are 85 years old?

My dear, remember this one thing, you will never be young forever. Whatever you post on social media will one day come back to haunt you.

Get a life, please!! Kusamva!

Big Man Wamkulu