I am receiving death threats!

There is an interesting, if not sad, precedent in the office of the president. All our presidents have been targets of assassination threats. Some bad people do not like them that much. Instead of disagreeing with them just like John Kapito of the Consumers Association of Malawi (Cama) does, they want to go a whole lot further i.e. by taking the very life of the president. They want the president dead, casketed; they envision a state funeral and they want another president.

I will not spend much time on Dr Kamuzu Banda. He had sworn enemies who were known both from within but mostly from without Malawi. Then comes Bakili Muluzi, the first president of the “new dispensation.” One of most interesting stories I heard about threats to Kamuzu’s presidency was in 1992 while I was a student at Chancellor College. The statement being read on MBC radio was that the Catholic bishops had hatched a plan to take over government.

The bishops, led by late Archbishop James Chiona, had plans to create their own political party. Remember that in those days creating a political party was not an event Professor John Chisi or Kamuzu Chibambo would do. You, your parents, people that you know, their goats and concubines, your friends’ goats and pigs, will all be collected and sent away forever. Not many people would feel sorry for you. The song, “wapalamula iweeee, wapalamula chitedzeeeee chidzakuyabwawe!” would be fitting to grace your disappearance.

Muluzi had his own stories of mafia gangs who were bent on taking his life. Certainly, he wondered what was wrong with these people who were planning to kill a God-fearing democratically elected president. One or two people got into some trouble. There was the shooting of Cabinet ministers in Mangochi. Let me leave it there.

Then came Bingu wa Mutharika. He started off by seeing vampires who were bent to suck his blood out while sleeping. Stories were rife that he called in sangomas to cleanse the State House. Then, he was presented a plan by the security apparatus that his predecessor, Muluzi, was the mastermind of a west-African style coup. The president added to the list of bad guys Dr Cassim Chilumpha, MP Yusuf Matumula and a few Malawi Defence Force (MDF) generals. It appeared authentic on face value, but not to the discerning. Some evidence was brought forward about South African assassins. The president feared for his life and the plot had to be stopped in its tracks.

Exit Mutharika and enter Joyce Banda. The Democratic Progressive Party (DPP) thought this was the greatest disaster to have befallen the civilised world. Tony Blair thought this was another opportunity to make money. And Paul Mphwiyo started fighting corruption as the new budget director. Light and darkness do not mix. So, the bad guys wanted to kill Mphwiyo. But they could not succeed as truth and light prevail always. The bad guys were incensed. The bad guys started sending death threats to the State President. “We will kill you JB!  You will die Joyce! You will follow Bingu wa Mutharika. We will ndata you.”