I took someone’s man, but found out he is broke

Dear BMW,

Last week, I read with interest a letter from a woman who confessed to have planned to break someone’s marriage. I too did the same and succeeded in taking away my best friend’s hubby. Today, I am married to him and I am six months pregnant.

Although he is caring and loving, the man is not supportive at all. I recently discovered that economically, we are on very different pages. I am a saver, have no debts, and have always been careful with money. He, on the other hand, is knee-deep in debt. Everything flashy he has was bought on credit. The day, I snooped on his pay slip and bank statement, I nearly fainted. The man, I thought had it all, is actually as broke as a church mouse.

What is even worse is that now that he is divorced, half of what is left on his paycheck goes to his ex-wife—for child support—and the rest goes to his debts. Since I took over the wifely role, I am the one paying for a lot more of our shared expenses such as groceries, rent, electricity, DStv, and house helps. I am also funding his lifestyle: drinking and nice clothes as he always runs out of money within days of getting paid, and if he ever does have anything extra, he spends it to hang out with his children.

I am pissed off that I inherited a wreck of a man. I would have been happier if he were still good in bed. He used to go well deep and beyond four rounds. But now, he is not.

Should I send him back to his first wife?

Bibiana, via WhatApp, Blantyre City

Dearest Bibiana,

I can’t think of how to react, because you are really between the deep sea and a hard rock. In the first place, what were you looking for when you were snatching this man? What was your situation?

I see in you someone who was just so desperate to get a man for all it would take the world. You have yourself to blame. Bibi, I like deconstruction, I just love it. In your simple terms, I would say I love to read between the lines.

That is just what I was doing.

When this man was married, you used to go out with him. You really loved the good times you had in bed with him. You lived by the teaching in Proverbs that ‘stolen waters are sweet’.

Now that you are married to this guy, and you realise that life and love are not just about shagging, you come to the sad reality that when you thought you were winning, it was actually a loss.

What do I mean, you ask. Just that. When you thought you were grabbing another woman’s hubby, a great fella in bed, you were, actually, inheriting more trouble. I can’t blame the man. Neither can I blame his ex-wife for letting you offload her mtanda. She is happy, and she continues to sing: Good riddance to bad rubbish.

I will tell you this; there is more trouble to your being. This ex-wife, like you, knew this man was good in bed. That is why I will tell you, she will still be munching the goods with him. As a matter of fact, she is having it with him.

That is all happening while you are wetting your pillow with your tears because you thought you were clever.

To make matters worse, you thought that your macho had so much mulla in his account when you were snatching him. Hey, looks are always deceiving! When he was paying you the water bills, buying you groceries and fooling you with niceties, you thought you were winning! Get well soon Bibi.

Then, you have the dexterity and temerity to ask me if you have to dispatch him to his first wife. Let go of him. He will not go to his first wife. There is another willing victim like you down the street. Dyera eti!

BMW