I want it gentle, are we hopeless?

Dear Biggie,

I’m 27 and I have recently started going out with a new guy who now I can comfortably call my boyfriend. But Biggie, although I have gone to bed with men a few times before meeting him, being with him in bed has left my hair a little bit ruffled. Here is why.

First, I have never been in a relationship that lasted very long or gone very serious. So, being with him longer has been both amazing because I now really enjoy getting close to a man, and look forward to having a stronger relationship.

However, Biggie, since we began to sleep together more often, the animal in him has taken over and he isn’t the sweet slow and careful guy I knew anymore. He has started taking me in a rough way and I do not really like it. I want us to be ‘making love’. But for him it’s ‘fast and hard’, and in two minutes he is done, tired and snoozing.

I know Biggie, you think, I am whining and my message kind of makes me sound very passive, as if I don’t contribute to how things happen—which I do if I choose to—but Biggie he seems to like it like that and I don’t want to completely dominate how we ‘do it’ by saying that it must always be slow and gentle.

I have tried to talk to him and he says he finds it difficult to stay hard if he goes slowly.

Is this relationship hopeless?

FC, Chirumba, Via WhatsApp

Dearest FC,

I am not in the habit of sharing my colleagues’ experiences, but for your sake, I will this week. You see, a friend of mine was at it this other sunny afternoon, yes it was hot and both of them were sweating profusely. Before he knew it, it was over. His wife asked him: “Are you rushing to catch the plane?” ‘You should have seen shame and embarrassment written all my wrinkled face,’ he told me. “Since that day, I learnt my lesson, Biggie.”

As much as I sympathise with your situation, you must first understand that it is all about confidence and self-belief that counts in the sack. The first rule in love is that don’t over expect and don’t force matters. ‘Making love’ is indeed the most beautiful and natural thing God created and it needs patience and the right person to enjoy it.

But my cousin, don’t you also think it can be a bit more exciting if couples are a bit creative? Your man is being creative here and please don’t fault him. For him ‘fast and furious’ is a little bit more fun that your old fashioned ‘mission impossible’. I can only  urge you to take heart and be a little bit more patient with him. You never know one day you might start enjoying his acrobatics.

For now, build his self-esteem by encouraging him. Slowly, you will discover that instead of being a two-minute man, together you will last much longer.

But please, do not slow things down, because there is nothing that kills a relationship than slow-boring ‘missionary lovemaking’!

BMW

Hi Big Man Wamkulu

I have been in a relationship with this guy for 10 months. I think I am in love with him. But what worries me is that he never calls or texts. When I ask him about it, he just smiles and says he is a man of few words. Is he serious?

Desperate Girlfriend, via WhatsApp

 Dear DG,

I could be wrong, but I suspect you met and exchanged numbers. You waited for him to call for days, and when he didn’t, you texted him at midnight asking: “Hie?” He replied. A flurry of texts were exchanged and in no time (maybe two days) he knew you the way Adam ‘knew’ Eve. Then he stopped texting or calling.

How he is still wolfing down the forbidden fruit without making any effort is proof that witchcraft exists because it appears you call, text and then drag yourself to his bed all the time.

Strange relationship indeed, but each to his own. The one good thing about this is that the day you text saying you have missed your periods, he won’t call or text back.

Be careful, men of a few words are dangerous!

Big Man Wamkulu