If I were: Joyce Banda

Garry Chirwa May 27, 2015

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If I were: Joyce Banda, President of the People’s Party (PP), I would accept the harsh reality that the departure of three gurus from my party is testimony that all is not well.
If I were Amayi, I would realise that I can no longer pretend that things are well in PP when two of my deputies—Brown Mpinganjira (BJ) and Harry Mkandawire (Mlekanjara) as well as my runningmate during last year’s presidential elections Sosten Gwengwe—have quit the party.

Former president the Joyce Banda has been outside the country for the past year

How I wish I were JB, because I would realise that while my globe-trotting could be justifiable, the situation is testimony that my party needs my urgent attention, otherwise chitha ngati makatani.
Oh yes, if I were my good ‘ole mom that is Joyce Hilda Mtila Banda, I would appreciate that when three big shots resign in a party within a month, then something is terribly wrong.
I would also realise that I cannot run the party by remote control for close to a year because that would also create room for speculation that there is something that I am avoiding. If there is, then it is better to assign someone to temporarily take over the mantle before the situation worsens—the likes of my good friend ‘Chenji Golo’ (Uladi Mussa).
Yes mum, I would appreciate that my party needs me for direction. That is, of course, if I were Amayi. Unfortunately, I am not the good old lady. PPPPP!!! Yanyamuka! Odi uko!!! Amayi adutseko, abwerere kumudzi adzakonze zinthu.

If I were Joyce Banda

Garry Chirwa October 9, 2013

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President of the Republic of Malawi, I would realise the need to handle the issue of looting at Capital Hill with utmost care and seriousness because it has the potential to affect my bid to the 2014 polls.

If I were my good ‘ole mum that is JB, I would appreciate the need to get to the bottom of the issue as the nation is following the issue with keen interest and Malawians have the right to know what happened for the system to have such huge loopholes that led to a free-for-all plundering of government resources.

If only I were the first citizen, I would go deeper and make efforts to find out if there were any of my big shots involved; otherwise the recent arrests of ‘small fish’ such as accounts assistants is not inspiring and paints a picture of a government that is not keen to take senior government officials to task.

Yes mom, I might have raised the alarm on the matter by summoning my Minister of Finance Ken Lipenga five months ago, but I would appreciate that in a big crisis such as the Cashgate Scandal, there is more that needs to be done.

How I wish I were JB, because I would have returned home from the US earlier considering the seriousness of the issue at hand.

That is if I were you mum. Fortunately, I am just a poor scribe that is Garry!

Garry Chirwa October 9, 2013

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