If your boyfriend is abusive, is there hope for marriage?

 

Breaking up with a boyfriend is never easy, even though experts argue that it is necessary. Even though there are a lot of reasons for calling it quits, being in an abusive relationship is a serious matter. In this article, I find just how unhealthy abusive relationships are, especially those that are at the courtship level.

 

Some say dating is much more enjoyable than marriage itself. However, what does it mean, when he constantly beats you up? Is there hope for marriage in that relationship?

Much as such abuses might be apparent to the girlfriend, sociologist Pierson Ntata argues that it might be difficult for the girl to make a U- turn. He says that breaking up is never easy to most ladies because somehow they hope that the situation might change for the better.

According to Ntata, dating relationships (zibwezi) is a stage where most people’s character is usually hidden but when someone starts beating up his girlfriend, it simply shows who he is as a human being.

“Chances that such characteristics are likely to go into marriages are very high and it’s better to pull out before it’s not too late,” he says.

According to Ntata, people, especially ladies will stay in unsatisfying or toxic relationships for a variety of reasons, including, fear of being alone, the pressure of wanting to fit in the world of relationships and also because the man supports them financially.

“Such relationships are very unhealthy, both physically and emotionally. Quarrelling in a relationship can be fine but where a man raises his hand and beats you, it becomes dangerous,” he says.

The deputy session clerk of St. Michael and All Angels Church Edna Mleme says as part of their grooming, men and women in their church are taught how to live in harmony with their spouses.

“Courtships that lead to marriages are highly promoted in the church and I don’t think our ladies would condone such behaviours. We teach our people to follow the proper ways of marriages and that includes keeping away from sex before marriage.

“With the values that we teach them, they would know just how healthy their relationship is and if it is not healthy,” she says.