I have received a lot of flak for all that sex talk last week; some people accusing me that sex is all I do and think of, apart from sleeping and eating.
Although this is not too further from the truth, I accept that I went overboard last week. And, although it is not particularly part of BMW’s nature to accept any wrong-doing, I am sorry to all my readers. I really am.
In the week following the publication, I have received so much heat with some readers even saying that my obsession with sex explains why I am six times divorced. I wonder what my writing about sex has to do with me being a six-time divorcee.
I actually feel I should be commended rather than condemned for committing to the scared institution that is marriage time and time again despite getting hurt.
But I guess it is the nature of humanity, especially Malawians, to point out one’s weaknesses than celebrate one’s strong points.
But I digress. Back to the sex talk.
While I’m not attempting to justify, nor indeed rationalise, crossing the blurred line between reason and obscenity with last week’s sex chatter, I am still a firm believer that sex is an integral part of romance and courtship.
And while romance is all not all about sex, it is mostly about sex. (Note: mostly).
Because, honestly what else are relationships all about aside sex? We may cuddle, pillow talk, fight, make up, eat, sleep, eat and sleep again. That leaves us with pretty very little to work on; hence, the sex.
Hang me if you will, but like I always say, it is time we opened up as a people to address the underlying issues that lead to high rates of divorce in this country.
We have a tendency of covering up our indiscretions in a shroud of a complex system and this has done this country no good. But the most crucial question that we forget to ask is: why do people cheat? If not to enjoy better sex elsewhere?
I could quote a couple of researches and Internet links, but the last time I did that, I got into trouble. So, I will stop here.
Not, to the second issue. Another avid reader from Machinga accused BMW of being harsh in his criticism, even going further to charge that I scold and not advise my readers.
Well, well. For the onset, I made it clear that this romantic advisory column was different from the rest. Here, we thrive on calling a spade a spade. We have no time sugar-coating the truth.
The problem with people is that, when they seek advice, they would have already made a decision and just need someone to confirm what they think so that they do not feel bad when something goes wrong. But BMW is not a rubberstamp. I tell it like it is, however bitter or ugly it might be.
The intention of BMW is to ensure that you choose your life’s mate carefully; because from this one decision will come 90 percent of all your happiness or misery.
Of course, marriage is essentially picking someone within the crowd to share life’s misery with you. Life is already miserable as it is. Marriage ought not to make it worse.
So when you go into marriage, you should know that it is a lifetime commitment. Marriage is not some experiment. If you don’t enjoy having sex with someone, then don’t marry them. If you don’t like eating with them, or talking to them, or laughing with someone, please don’t marry them.
It’s that simple.
Ndatha ine wanu.