Please help me out. A little over a year ago I contacted a cousin after I saw her social media status pictures with stunning looking women. She was honest and told me that the women on her status were married. However, I insisted that she introduce me to one whom I will nickname Vee.
Sure enough she was able to get me Vee’s digits. Before long, Vee and I started communicating. Vee had a very intriguing story. She was married and in an abusive relationship and was very unhappy. She sent me pictures of her disfigured face from blows she once received from her husband. I will not go into the details of the abuse; however, I must admit her story broke my heart.
She had also confided in me that her husband was now living in Lilongwe with another woman. I asked her to go and seek ankhoswe’s advice but she told me they already tried and nothing had worked. As time went by I felt sorry for Vee and asked her what her intentions were. She told me she needed a way out. I offered to bring her to the UK and that she should seek divorce from her estranged husband.
I have lived in the UK for the past 10 years and I been supporting her financially. I have given her everything she needed to sustain herself and her daughter. As things got serious, I noticed some changes in her behaviour. Phone calls went unanswered and texts were ‘blue-ticked’ and took a day or two before they were responded to.
I had a gut feeling that I was being played. So I decided to hire a private investigator. What came back was shocking. Vee was very happily married woman. And both she and her husband live in Blantyre, not Lilongwe. Everything she told me was a lie.
I have spent millions of kwacha on this woman on her for her welfare. I have even contacted her husband and told him everything that his wife played me, but he took no action. At least I expected him to dump her.
Now that I have discovered she has fooled me, am I within my right to demand all the money I sent her back?
Confused, via WhatsApp, UK
Some guys can be so naïve! You are in a pack of men who must be hanged for being so raw and immature.
Your cousin told you at the onset all the women on her status are married and you go at length to try a go at this Vee of yours. She must have seen that you are easy meat and cheated you that her marriage was on the rocks.
To make matters worse, achimwene mudafupa chinyau chisanavine. In fact, munafupa chinyau nyimbo isanayambe n’komwe!
How on earth can you go ahead sending money to a woman you scarcely know as if you were Father Christmas? The extent to which you expose your immaturity is unfathomable.
And you were sold a dummy, to the point that you wanted to call your benefactor to the UK! This is dumbness in person.
You even make a fool of yourself by calling her husband and told him everything about you. At times, I believe it when Mutabaruka said that it is not good to stay in a white man’s too long. You pick up your phone, dial someone’s husband and start telling him how much you have been spending on her in the hope that you would one day hook her. Hey, that head of yours is not just to put a hat on.
So, you thought the man would dump her? On the contrary, this man must appreciate that he married a woman who makes the most of every opportunity. In Chichewa, they say, chitsilu chimakana ndalama. It is a fact that this woman didn’t want to be a fool. For that matter, the husband knows that these times she didn’t bother him for money for the salon or a new dress.
In all fairness, you have no right whatever to demand the money back. She never robbed you. You were giving her out of your free will. Get on with your life and learn from this. We always learn it the hard way. Rest in confusion.