Learning to cope with losing a loved one

The pain of losing a loved one is unbearable. It is difficult to know how best we can handle it. Mwereti Kanjo spoke to a religious leader, those that have experienced death and a psychologist on how best we can deal with the loss of a loved one.

Dealing with the loss of a loved one can never be easy. One minute they are there, making you laugh and probably sharing some of life’s precious moments so just that in the next minute they are gone. When such a thing happens, for some it is like a dream, only you never seem to wake up from it. We find it hard to accept it that we will never see them again.

So, just how do you deal with the pain of losing a loved one?

Towera Masiku has lost a lot of good people in her life; those that she held so dear. She lost a brother who was also her best friend. She says accepting that he was gone was easy, but it was the faith that she has as a Christian that gave her hope and eased the pain.

She says dealing with the loss of a loved one comes down to knowing the type of person that they were. At death, it is just moving from one place to another place, we have eternal life and I knew that I will see him again.

“I looked at the positive, the good times that I shared with him. When you remember the laughter that you shared, those special moments, you begin to thank God for giving you one with whom you shared jokes with and amused you. It is easy to remember someone with laughter and joy in your heart.

“I have also lost my mother, relations and close friend. I chose to celebrate their lives because I know when they were alive, they made a good choice, I will see them again. I thank God because maybe if it were not for them, I would not have loved at all,” said Masiku.

Sharing Masiku’s sentiments is Reverend Andrew Maele. He says we are all allowed to feel pain, it is only normal. However, we are taught to know that death is not the end of the world.

“Death is not something that we can get used to. When we bring our self to accept their loss it is the beginning of the recovery process.

“In the Bible, when Mary and Martha lost Jesus, they too felt pain that the person they knew, who was a part of them was gone but the consolation was He told them that he would rise from the dead. He told us to live the same way. We will see our loved one again. This must give us hope and help us move on in life,” said Maele.

Chiwoza Bandawe, a psychologist says morning is a process. When one is grieving, they experience confusion, anger, depression all of which is normal. However, what sets people apart is how they choose to move forward.

Grief is like a knife and it can cut through you. It is either grief goes through you or you go through grief which can only happen when you are mindful of what sort of situation you are in. most people become so caught up in the practicality of a funeral just to be hit so hard by their emotions later.

We must accept the pain, cry if we have to, and mourn. This will help us move on. Mourning is a process, deal with every moment of it and you will see that the pain will ease and life will become a little easier.