Life throws its lesson to us every day. These lessons are drawn from our interactions with family, friends, relatives, co-workers and even strangers. Its learning institutions are not necessarily schools either. We learn valuable lessons at events, too. I learnt mine recently during an event from a chief during one of her counsels. This woman had a way with words and I deduced she was a good listener, too. She never missed anything from anybody in attendance that contributed to the ensuing debate. I had a take home message inevitably.
She was placed in a situation to determine the administration of a deceased estate, but trouble was, the couple‘s union was rather unceremonious. The ankhoswes or marriage counselors happened to have come from the man’s side only to represent both sides and when he died, this chief resorted to amend the anomaly without necessarily being judgmental or breaching the deceased’s wishes. Her wise words, still echoing in my ears, were directed to those not in the shoes of this particular couple, but to those in attendance and all privy to the discussions thereafter.
Madam chief was not against anybody falling in or out of love and her advice was simply that procedures have to be followed. While it is common in towns to pick anybody, including friends to represent us as family when we wed or engage, madam chief said that is all commendable and a matter of choices, but did not mince words on the consequences in times of tragedies or dire needs. She said these become convenient when in haste and work out well when all is well. However, she said, when problems arise, the friends or ‘representatives’ easily bolt by removing their responsibilities like they would an old coat. Her emphasis was on the need to pick relevant relations, preferably blood ones who she said stand by us through thick and thin, usually taking responsibility for our actions, however they come.
Speaking in the vernacular, the chief said: “Love has boundaries. When two people love each other, they must leave other responsibilities to their relations to aid the relationship move from one level to another. Certain decisions and representations required family involvement; and consent. That goes out to the men in particular. Be careful how you live your lives and execute certain decisions, especially when they involve transitions from previous relationships or unions to new ones. Everything we do has a way of coming back to either haunt us or vindicate us”.
Well spoken. Love has a way of misguiding or leading us to do unrealistic heights, sometimes overlooking wise counsel. We become so blinded by the reeling emotions with less consideration to the future. Even those we consider shabby and uneducated have their roles in our lives. They are our support pillars more than the peers or friends we opt to glamorize our events. It’s just a word of caution for those who care about their well being in the now and aftermath. Take it or leave if you may. n