Love is a continuous process

I have been having some serious talks about life with my two boys and one of the many topics that have taken centre stage has been the that of love. They are boys and I figured that as a mother— although I’m not their best or only teacher in this regard— they ought to learn some tricks from me. Love is a continuous process, I have been preaching, and they now know or at least have an idea on how to get that girl of their dreams and keep her, too.

Here is how this particular lesson has gone. Good and promising relationships have not always turned out the way one would have expected, not because couples were incompatible, but negligence set in. When attempting to win a heart, men go to any extent, including showering that girl with gifts, taking her out on dates and complimenting her looks, outfit, heat, etc. Phone calls or texting become an integral part of developing feelings between people. Some even go to the extent of opening car doors for her and ushering onto a seat at an event. Public show of affections such as holding hands, hugging and pecks are common site until the girl finally says yes.

Suddenly, the man she met, the kind that worshipped the ground she walked on is no longer available. He becomes too busy to pick calls and deems those outings too costly. He prefers to stay indoors so she cooks to cuts costs and buys beer to drink just the two of them. The greetings that competed with an antibiotic dosage taken morning, noon and night disappear and she slowly starts begging him for his attention. Yea, he will declare his love for her, but she doesn’t feel it as much as when he was really ‘into’ her. As for the man, he too is not pampered in the mkomya manner like before and feels his love is no longer being reciprocated. He feels short-changed and blames the girl for changing drastically. And when they have already taken the long, unpredictable journey down the aisle, he resorts to cheating as a means of dealing with his frustrations. There in the arms of a new woman, he feels he has rekindled his love senses. But if it’s not in him to love and keep her, she, too, will honourably depart upon rejecting his hopelessness.

A lesson for my boys; love should be nurtured always and the feelings between two people just might be preserved. Ups and downs will always exist, but the stronger feelings of love are maintained with simple acts of kindness to nourish them. They include the way we talk and relate to each other, continuously opening that car door, buying of roses from time to time, a simple phone call, say, every afternoon just to check on each other, those naughty texts and outings. There is no time to relax. Sometimes it’s not really the other person who has changed. We change ourselves or simply the arena for our love changes.

I’m hoping that my boys will grow into those romantics to drive any woman crazy without necessarily becoming slaves of love to be taken advantage of. Of course, there is just a part they can play. The women have theirs too. It is up to either parties to prevent any voids that can be filled by unwanted ‘explorers’.