Ladies and gentlemen, we are in modern days. We are allowed to express ourselves upfront on what we want in a relationship or friendship. You see, from the many social media groups I belong to, it is clear many people are in loveless relationships or marriages. Many are also in relationships with different goals. From the narratives, it is clear the man is in it for sex while the woman is desperately looking for marriage. I think such a mismatch is unfair. This unfairness can only be dealt with if partners are open with each other.
Recently, I came across a social media post in which a woman complaining that her husband reminds her at every given opportunity he never wanted to marry her: “Mnakukwatila chifukwa unakakamila and tinakhalitsa pa chibwenzi (I married you because I felt trapped after years of dating)”. Why would you marry someone you do not love? It goes down to one thing—we are not honest about our intentions when dating someone. I believe if we muster the courage to make it clear that we are in the relationship for money, sex, marriage or just companionship, it will make things clearer and better for everyone. Some may argue they do not say certain things to spare another’s feelings. Well, I beg to differ. I think a lot of pain at the beginning is better than someone living in misery for the rest of their lives because you lied.
Be man enough to say you are not interested in anything serious. He should be man enough to tell his side chick that he is only looking for some excitement and not lie that “akazanga ndiwasiya pompano, sindigona nawo chipinda chimodzi (I will leave my wife soon. I don’t even share a bedroom with her)” when he knows she is actually warming his bed every night. We have plenty of women willing to date married men and remain side chicks for life. You do not have to lie to get them.
A woman should also make her intentions clear. We have some who are not looking for marriage. They simply want companionship or maybe a transactional relationship for financial assistance. They also need to be clear about their intentions. These women sometimes date a man who ends up crazy about them only to destroy his marriage. In the end, he realises she wasn’t in it for the commitment, but it might be too late.
If you are dating a particular girl just for fun, make your intentions clear. You do not get to impregnate someone you only intended to have fun with. Be very clear of what you want. It is disappointing when a man makes a woman believe he is in it for the long haul, only to disappear when she gets pregnant. Babies are serious business and they should not come into this world, courtesy of casual sex. Let’s be serious with our life choices.
Finally, everyone must look out for themselves. Let’s try to avoid getting too carried away in a relationship before the direction of that relationship is clear. If anything, it is important to ask all the necessary questions upfront and get clarity from the other party before going in too deep. Otherwise, if you are dating and involve someone’s feelings, make your intentions clear!
