Marital fitness: All you need to know (2)
A husband must think of his wife when he makes a decision (osati ndikanena, ndanena attitude), he is no longer a law unto himself. A wife must often put her family interest ahead of her own. However, through their marriage, both partners are also enjoying a large measure of freedom from loneliness and anxiety. From their partnership, through mutual respect and affection, they have a special kind of security.
Making marriage work involves acceptance of the other person as well as determination to understand inevitable conflicts and to surmount them. It means growing up with your mate instead of outgrowing each other. It involves give and take without counting the cost of the gift. You have to learn to be realistic about marital goals, expecting neither too much nor too little.
One of the most important assets individuals bring to marriage is their attitudes about themselves. If a wife has her own sense of her own value as an individual and as a woman, she is ready for a mature relationship. If she feels important as a person in her own right, she can accept her husband as a person with distinct personality of his own.
Many women enter into marriage feeling inadequate and expecting their husbands to make everything come right (munandikwatiriranji muyenera kundidyetsa syndrome). By the same token, many men have married in the expectation that they would get more of a mother than a wife (samandimvetsetsa ameneyi).
He may feel unsure of himself as a man and he wants someone who will understand and automatically solve all his problems. This can only lead to trouble for both partners.
When the two enter into a marriage set up, they bring with them friends and relationships. These two sets or groups of people should be respected and accepted by the other.
When one gets married, it does not mean that the friends and relations are going to be shaken off. Rather, they are built up to form a larger group. Some friends will drop but others will stay on, this has to be accepted and respected.
