Family

Marriage after jail sentence

Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in jail and when he came out, he divorced his wife on claims that she had lost interest in him. It is also reported that “not once did she enter the bed while he was awake”.

This is just one of the many examples of deteriorated marriages and relationships after the incarceration of one.

Though some marriages survive after many years spent apart, most have a devastating ends as sociologist Jubilee Tizifa notes. She says such marriages need to work hard against walking the divorce path.

Some couples end their marriage or relationship before the completion of the other’s jail term with the free one opting to move on. If they do not end the relationship, the partner on the outside might cheat while waiting for the spouse to complete sentence.

According to Tizifa, small things break up marriages. She says a human being is a social animal with feelings, which when acted upon can lead to disaster.

“If the marriage had a good foundation, there is bound to be faithfulness but if not, then the obvious will happen,” she says.

Psychologist Chiwoza Bandawe says as people continue to leave apart, experiences begin to differ and this may cause couples to differ and eventually lose interest in each other.

“As life progresses, its movement makes people to forever change their needs and interests. The environment they are brings in new experiences, new relations and the mind adjusts.

“If this separation continues for five years, when the couple reconciles, the individuals will be totally different people; hence, a possible separation,” he says.

Marriage counsellor Constance Masamba says if one partner stays faithful until the convicted partner comes out of jail, the rest should be easy.

“It is not easy waiting upon someone, more especially when jailed. But after waiting, there should be both happiness and sorrow; depending on God to help in the healing path and for happiness.

“Whatever you do or plan with your partner after prison, be realistic. Remember that your lives have turned upside down and you are beginning all over again, so be patient,” Masamba says.

She advises on the need to be supportive of one another, to never give up after already waiting for long to be with your partner.

Masamba also encourages the joining of grouping associations for healing through sharing of experiences.

“There are feelings of shame and disgrace as people talk about your predicament. Again there might be a form of detachment from the partner who has been away for a long time, prompting withdrawal from society and public.

“Do not worry.  Concentrate on making it work with your partner. Looking too much to people or dwelling on circumstances may be detrimental,” she adds.

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