Men’s side of GBV

Since the restoration of democracy in 1994, gender activists in Malawi have  vigorously  fought the use of violence against women.

The media is awash with activists speaking against rape, sexual harassment and other gender-based vices.

Gender-based violence (GBV) in the country has almost entirely been portrayed as violence against women.

Men are seldom mentioned as victims. They are portrayed as perpetrators even though some of them are silent victims of GBV.

Chief Mpherembe of Mzimba made an astonishing pronouncement during the 2013 big walk for 16 Days of Activism against GBV that men and boys in his area were falling victim to sexual and emotional abuses perpetrated by women, mostly intimate partners.

In 2016, Men for Gender Equality Now (Megen) chairperson Marcel Chisi admitted that men, just like women, fall victim to GBV thought “the numbers are insignificant”.

Some men share terrible experiences. One narrated how he lost custody of children when his beloved wife sought divorce.

“I lived with my wife for about four years when she expressed her desire to go back to school and re-sit MSCE,” said the man.

He admittedly sacrificed his time and money until she obtained a degree from the University of Malawi.

She allegedly filed a divorce six months after graduation.

Just like that, the man lost the wife and children he had raised single-handedly when his wife was at school.

There are men who endure humiliating ill-treatment from their partners because they are jobless.

One of them, based in Chilinde, explained how  the wife beats him and brings home sexual partners in his presence.

“Time after time, she insultingly asks me to leave the house to pave the way for able men,” he says.

At a meeting of men in my neighbourhood, one complained that his wife is cheating on him  with her boss. When he intercepted communication of her extramarital affair, he says she defiantly tells him she cannot disappoint her boss because someone is stupidly jealousy.

In confidential talks, most men complain of being denied conjugal rights while  others resort to transactional sex.

An engineer, in his early 50s, tearfully explained how he lost hard-earned property to his wife of 20 years through “a divorce orchestrated by his wife’s family.”

To him, his was a lovely marriage until she pulled a divorce letter during breakfast.

“She simply said she was tired of me. The more I pleaded with her to change her mind, the more aggressive she became. She has left me almost a destitute,” he says.

This anecdotal evidence confirms that men at the receiving end of GBV seldom open up.

They hardly ever seek redress in justice delivery institutions for fear of stigma in view of norms and social expectations associated with masculinity.

Men are culturally expected to be strong, not to cry out loud.

For them, to be complaining against a woman is seen as an anomaly, a sign of weakness.

The patriarchal view of GBV is seen to be institutionalised that police stations and victim support units do not seem to appeal to men who may want to report GBV cases.

The absence of social studies on men-based GBV is also negatively affecting the quality of interventions.

The nation needs more of such studies to inform meaningful GBV interventions.

Gender-related violence is an evil that should not be tolerated or supported irrespective of who the perpetrators are.

Men, just like women, ought to be encouraged to report the vice and their complaints should be taken seriously.

We should realise that gender equality is achieved when women and men, boys and girls, have equal rights, life prospects and opportunities and the power to shape their own lives and society. n