Mind what you say to her…

Consciously or unconsciously, there are things men tell their women which offend a great deal. Paida Mpaso extracts some vital information on what men should watch their tongues on from this article which appeared in the Saturday Nation of Kenya.

‘Watch your tongue’ is a common phrase used to advise people against uttering statements carelessly. This is because one may not be quite prepared for the repercussions that may follow.

Below are some of the more common comments that irk women:

 

Can you wear more make-up?

We are living in an age where a woman will say that she wants to look good for her own personal reasons, that she is not dressing up for anybody but herself. But this is normally not true. Otherwise, why would women get so excited when they are complimented for how they look?

One of the main ways for a man to deflate a woman’s self-esteem is for him to imply that she does not look good and that he would appreciate it if she used “more make-up” if at all she expects to earn your complements.

According to Karin Anderson, a professor of psychology at Concordia University, Chicago, “a woman presents herself according to what she defines as meaningful to her”. If she’s presenting herself as anyone other than who she really is, then it amounts to false advertising and that’s going to backfire.

 

I’m not even the father

You marry a woman with a child and promise to be a true father to the child, alongside the ones you get with her.

Once you agree to this arrangement, never discriminate against such a child and make it clear to the mother that you are not even the father (for her to expect you to bear any obligations to the child).

She will start treating your other children as yours alone and not yours as a couple. Such comments will only push her to start thinking of how she can protect her child from you, of course at the expense of your other children.

It is from your family

Men normally have a habit of passing the buck when things go wrong. They never want to admit they could be the source of any weakness. It could be an academically challenged child, an endless cycle of poverty and misfortunes or a chronic illness; never attribute such things to your wife or her background. Something like, “No one in my family has ever scored a D (Grade D); there is nobody in our family with this kind of sickness; or had it not been for your mother, I would be financially better off.

 

Why aren’t you married yet?

Unless a woman volunteers to explain her marital status to you, don’t prod her over it. If you learn that she is still single, do not ask her why. She may not have the answer to that question and by asking her this question, you risk coming across as suggesting to her that she is not complete.

You do not want to remind her of the many disappointments she may have been handed by men along the way. According to Excelle, a website for career-minded women, many women are apathetic to the suggestion that they can only enjoy life and success if they have a man in their lives.

 

You are too this or you are not enough that

Excelle further says many women are affected by a feeling of inadequacy of whatever kind. The reverse is all true. They also loathe excess of anything. Aren’t we seeing women going all crazy about diets and exercise in an attempt to reduce weight?

When you meet a woman who has gained weight, please keep any comments about this to yourself. Any suggestion that she looks more cylindrical than a few months ago does more harm to her self-esteem.

Chancellor College sociologist Jubilee Tizifa says, when a partner wants to rebuke their other half, friend, they must not do it in a hasty manner as they may offend their partner.

“It is always wise to sit them down and tell them nicely about any fault. There is no need for one to be so rude when correcting as this may cause more harm than good. Communication in a relationship is very vital,” She says.