Dear Big Man Wamkulu,
I am a 38-year-old man who fell in love with a 22-year-old early 2014. She had been going out with someone before we got hitched, but she assured me she had broken up with him as she couldn’t see them getting anything out of it but heartache.
Of late, however, I have heard whispers here and there about the two being seen all over place. She has denied it. She is adorable and my plan is to marry her and have children with her. If the truth be told, I worship the very ground on which she treads. With all these stories, however, I’m now having second thoughts if she is worth the bother. But I love this girl; Big Man Wamkulu, please help me, what should I do?
JFK, Chilobwe, Blantyre
First things first. You have a moral problem. You are 38-years-old; she is 22. When you were her age, she was barely out of her nappies. C’mon man, that alone should make you cringe. Big problem there. She is thinking and acting like any 22-year-would think and behave; that is, have 38-year-old sugar daddy to fund her romance with her age mate. It happens all the time; it has happened to me. If you truly love her, be patient and wait until she is also 38, she will have grown off her youthful indiscretions and, what more, your thought processes will be at the same level. But then, I forget, you’ll be a wrinkly 54 and obviously unattractive to her or to any woman worth the name. Poor you! Why not consider someone your age, say 40? There are a lot of women your age desperate for a man like you.
Secondly, I’m shocked you are only looking at you girlfriend as a future baby-making machine. There is more to marriage than making babies. Marriage is not a bed of roses and all that stuff about living happily ever after. Marriage is about companionship, dude, it is about nagging; about wishing to commit suicide or murder because the other party is pushing you towards it. Besides, dude, love your country. The country is already groaning under the weight of over-population (northwards of 15 million). Be patriotic by zipping up and sparing the country of more agony.
Dear Big Man Wamkulu,
I live with my brother because my mother died and we are estranged from our father after he married another woman while our mother was still alive. I have been living in peace until early this year when I noticed that my sister-in-law was making eyes at me. When my brother is around, she is very aloof and rarely addresses me unless it is absolutely necessary; she is a different animal when he is out of sight, even for a second. Matters came to a head a few weeks ago when my brother was out drinking and she walked into my bedroom in the middle of the night, completely naked. She is well-endowed woman, I must confess—one who could send the blood of any functional man racing. I’m no exception. But she is my brother’s wife. And he has done me no wrong. And so, I told her to leave my room, or I would scream. She retorted that if I didn’t do it, she, too, would scream and accuse me of attempting to rape her. I was caught between a rock and a hard place. But an inner resolve in me got the upper hand and I managed to find my way out of the room. Since then, our relationship has become frosty and she recently told my brother a pack of lies. Suffice to say, the relationship between my brother and I has also gone south. I’m 23, freshly out of college and making barely enough to keep body and soul together. Should I leave my brother’s house and strike it out on my own?
BC via email
My advice will be brief.
Boy, manna does not fall from heaven anymore. There are no rewards, either here or in the hereinafter, for playing the modern day Joseph. Do you know what happened to Joseph when he was seduced by Potiphar’s wife and he spurned her? He refused and was tossed into jail — just like your brother has thrown you into that emotional jail. Sadly for you, there will be no dreams to interpret or no coat of many colours to wear; so forget about your hour of glory. Secondly, tell your brother to drink responsibly or he should quit drinking altogether. It’s bad for his health and, need I add, his marriage. His wife has exposed his dereliction of duty. Thirdly, get a girlfriend; you won’t get any subtler hint than this from your sister-in-law that you are as lonely as a signpost.
Fourthly, get a proper job.