Mothers, girls share husbands

As she sits down to suckle her five-month-old baby boy, Maria Charles reflects with regret and betrayal how a stepfather on whose laps she grew up could fall in love with her.

Maria, whose real name we have withheld, cannot believe that she is now mother to a child whose father is the toddler’s supposed grandfather.

“It is as if I am watching a Nigerian movie of my own,” she said while fighting back tears in Helemani Village, Traditional Authority (T/A) Nchilamwela in Thyolo.

It all began late last year when Maria’s mother approached her to ask for a favour. The mother was expecting her fourth child at a local clinic.

Fearing that the husband would be starved of sex during the period and seek satisfaction elsewhere, the mother arranged that Maria should assume the role of a wife until she returned.

“You are a grown-up woman! Please, entertain him when he needs you. Don’t refuse him,” said the mother, according to Maria.

Maria, now approaching her 15th birthday, thought she was hallucinating until nightfall when the stepfather crawled into the room of the unsuspecting girl demanding sex from her.

“I barely slept when he came into my room wearing underpants. He ordered me to undress so he could make love to me,” she recalled.

Like other girls in the area who find themselves in Maria’s situation, she will have to live with the bitter reality that her own mother turned her into a substitute wife to save her marriage.

Gogo Muliena Miliyoni, 71, of Kayipsa Village, Traditional Authority (T/A) Khwethemule in the district, said until recently, it was a norm for some ‘non-performing wives’ to transfer conjugal obligations on their daughters.

“They [wives] felt safer sharing a husband with their daughters than life in a polygamous marriage,” she said.

Maliyoni, who said the practice is on the decline, cited the case of a woman in Helemani Village who offered her 13-year-old daughter as ‘collateral’ for her new marriage.

She said at its peak the practice was common among women who were desperate to keep their marriages with promiscuous husbands.

“People are responding positively to messages on the need to abolish harmful cultural practices. Some parents who used to practise incest have changed their behaviours,” she said.

Although Maria felt a lot of pain during the sex with her stepfather, at the time she thought it was normal for her to help out a mother desperate to keep her marriage.

It was only after the Creative Centre for Community Mobilisation (Creccom) intervened that she realised she was a victim of abuse.

Now, Maria, who has since relocated to Lilongwe to live with her aunt, says she feels bitter and angry at her mother and stepfather for subjecting her to abuse.

The stepfather was arrested by Mtambanyama Police Unit for incest. But later, his wife pleaded with police to release him so that they would handle the issue as a family matter.

Maria’s mother refused to speak to Nation on Sunday on the matter. The stepfather was not available at the time we visited the village.

Creccom is one of the organisations trying to eliminate harmful social and cultural practices in Thyolo.

With funding from the Swedish Organisation for Individual Relief (SOIR), Creccom is implementing a project in 69 villages in T/As Khwethemule, Kapichi, Nchilamwela, Thomasi and Bvumbwe.

Creccom senior project officer responsible for Thyolo Linice Sanga said sexual violence against girls has the potential to destroy the innocence of the child, leaving a ruinous future in its wake.

“The project seeks to root out all harmful cultural practices in the fight against HIV and Aids and to safeguard the rights of the girl.

“Creccom believes that it is time communities abolished all harmful social and cultural practices that predispose girls and women to sexual exploitation, gender-based violence as well as HIV and Aids,” said Sanga.