My boss uses abusive language

BMW,

I am in a fix. My boss is short-tempered like Trump and uses abusive language. The funny thing is that before all this drama, he was my friend in college. However, everything changed when he discovered that the girl, who is now his wife, was my college girlfriend and I am the one who deflowered her.

We have worked together for five years. The day he was promoted and became my boss, I knew I was in trouble. Since then, everything I do is criminal in his eyes. I do not doubt, if he were to be a judge for a day, he would sentence me to death with my body to be dragged in the streets. That’s how bad he hates me.

But that is beside the point. Biggie, every time I argue with him about work [he is terrible at work and knows nothing] he shouts his lungs out, insulting me and calling me all sorts of names.

I have resigned twice before because of his conduct, but the Big Boss rejected my requests to quit, assuring me that once my nemesis quits or drops dead, I will take over the his seat.

I have been patient enough, this man won’t drop dead anytime soon or quit his post and I can’t take his insults anymore. He drives me crazy. What should I do, burn his office?

MT, Blantyre, via WhatsApp

Dearest MT,

Calm down. Please do not burn your pants, his office or anything, not just yet. Let’s resolve this amicably and in a civilised manner. If you recall your childhood, you will remember that age when kids were prone to saying things like ‘galu iwe, mbuzi yamano pansi’ (you dog, goat without biting teeth)!’ when they were upset.

It could be a coincidence, but most kids who walked around insulting others tended to have their noses caked with yesterday’s mucus and couldn’t fight. The moment whomever they insulted charged with fury, they curled their tails and pee on themselves.

Annoyingly, when they got home, those scoundrels had a habit of lying that it is them who had been insulted. They also tended to have scatter-brained mothers who would charge out of the house, their annoying little miscreants hiding in their skirts, to come and jaw it up with your mother.

Sadly, those fellows have grown up to be our bosses. Years of schooling, hours wasted on school debates and no amount of caning taught them that an intelligent man or woman doesn’t shout—he or she argues. More important, they never learned that an argument must not always be won and should be based on facts, not the anatomy below the belt.

Thus, when an educated person such as your boss uses the colour or lack of teeth, foreskins and the size of genitals as the basis of an argument, then their parents wasted scarce resources taking them to school instead of spending it at Bwandilo.

Ignore your boss and let him not waste your time with his Trump language. You deflowered his wife, what more assurance do you want that you are better than him?

And please do not wish him dead. Wakufa sadziwika!

BMW