My boyfriend is stingy

Dear BMW,

I am a 24-year-old female who is in a relationship with a 26-year- old guy. We have been seeing each other for about six months now. What worries me most is that, all along in my relationship with him, there has never been a single day he bought me anything, the last time I asked him to buy me a bottle of juice, which costs less than K1 000, he was incensed and annoyed with me for a whole week.

Whenever he visits me, I always make sure I feed him well, but this guy can’t appreciate my efforts, he has never asked how I put food on the table, all he does is eat and mock me for feeding him boiled eggs.

The last time I prepared dry fish, he pinched his nose and talked rubbish that he does not eat fish yet he hardly buys good food for me. This guy is a total loser who has never bought any gift for me, yet I have been splashing a lot of things on him, including free sex which he also fails to utilise with his weak erection.

Should I dump him?

MG, Zomba

Dearest MG,

Mhuu, you sound a very bitter woman. Anyway, one of the big indicators in any relationship is how much a person thinks about the other and this is most often expressed as little or thoughtful gifts showing how the person understands you, and thinks about you.

Big gifts—birthdays, holidays, etc—are a celebration of you and showing that the person you are with honours and cherishes you. Even a person who gives bad head or cheap gifts is still giving you gifts which are a form of attention and a form of honouring you even if such gifts are below par.

As indicated in your letter, you have been giving him lots of gifts within your ability, including sex, which means he is deliberately ignoring you as a person. Any right-thinking person would get the point. Should you be worried? Definitely! If I were in this situation I would leave with respect.

Yes, leave with respect. Sometimes respect serves as a consolation when you’re disappointed to discover that no two people are exactly the same.

However, on another note, as you leave him, can you also stop begging gifts from men, which I think irritates your boyfriend? I see in you the type of women who are all over town, who beg from men literally at every opportunity: “I want a drink… I want airtime credit… Bae please buy me some electricity credit… Ooh what about send me money via mobile money for my hair”…the list can go on and on.

Some even go to ask for these niceties on the first day they said yes as if it’s some sort of registration fee.

My dear ladies, you beg too much that’s why your men would be annoyed for weeks. If you are truly into them, relish your own intensity to shower them with gifts without expecting compliance. That’s what love is all about.

Siyani kupempha and men will be good in bed (I will not bet to that).

On the other hand, though, raise your antenna on this man. If he is that stingy even before you tie the knot, he is just stingy nitwit up to munch your goods for song. It is apparent you, too, are just agreeing to disagree. Sleep well.

Big Man WamkuluNOTE: You can now send your problems to BMW via WhatsApp number: +265 998-110-975. No calls please!