My hubby is too broke

Dear BMW,

I will be frank with you Biggie, this country is in a mess economically, but my husband is just worse. The children and I call him Haiti because that’s the only country on earth that is broke like him. You see, BMW, despite going through hardships with him, I was hoping things would get better. But with two children and four other mouths to feed, our life is getting worse by the day.

As I am writing you, my niece has been sent home from school because we have failed to pay her fees. My two children might also be chased out of school because my husband cannot afford their kindergarten fees. The landlord has just asked us to move out of his house this month. Water was disconnected seven months ago and we have no GOtv in the house!

I know life is tough, but why are other men thriving and driving larger-than life vehicles when my hubby barely affords his own minibus fare to work? BMW, I am not nagging, but we are living like paupers, yet he is employed.

I am tired. Should I leave him?

DC, Blantyre, via e-mail

Dearest DC,

I think your man is a disgrace and deserves to be punished by hanging in public. Is he Malawian? Does he socialise (read drink alcohol excessively)?.  I am asking all these questions because if he is Malawian, he should know better that no one in this country survives on their salary alone. In fact, for someone to live on his salary alone, he is leading a very dangerous life!

BMW can tell you that all good husbands are busy right now stealing money from government and their employers, buying plots and big cars. Even Cabinet ministers are also busy stealing our tax money to ensure that their children are at Oxford or London School of Economics. I just can’t understand why your husband sleeps belly-up, hoping that money will fall from heaven. Does your husband know the word Cashgate? Does he think it’s some sort of soup?

If I were you, I would grab the two children and run. Amazing opportunities await you everywhere. You can start a new life by standing along the streets at night at famous places well known in all our cities. All you need is a good body and some endurance to stand the cold of night and break the necks of men who can’t pay for your services. Other women have done it; you can do it too. Of course, you will die sooner, but at least you will die with some change to spare in your bra!

DC, you are indeed not nagging. By the way, what do you do to support your struggling husband, you foolishly call Haiti?

BMW