Of love, rollercoaster relationships

Human beings are complex and dynamic in nature. We all have individual differences. No two people are completely the same. Each human behaviour is driven by emotion, beliefs, point of view, culture, background and many more.

It can be difficult to understand a person in relationship, especially when sometimes we do not even understand ourselves. Why do we feel good about ourselves one moment and bad another? Why does a man change his attitude towards his spouse from one day to the next? Each one is a complex creature with individual differences. The mirror through which we view life is different and will always be. We all have a tendency for emotional drama and chaos. Some call it a roller coaster of emotion.

Relationships are a serious commitment. Every relationship has periods of intense passion, awareness, happiness, comfort and companionship. There are periods of ugliness, pain, boredom, insecurity and even loneliness. Relationships are bound to have moments of ups and downs; that is normal. However, the downs should never exceed the ups. Relationship problems are like songs we don’t like. We have conflict or problems in our relationships, so we change something we are doing – just like we change the songs we listen to when we tire of hearing them. The disturbing thing is when you keep changing your relationship only to prolong them.

So it is a relationship or rollercoaster? You choose! The choice is absolutely yours.  Maintaining a relationship means riding the rollercoaster of emotions and doing what you can to allow love to conquer all.

The roller-coaster relationship is a ride where there is less cheering, more screaming and you can’t wait for it to be over. A roller-coaster relationship feels similar to a roller-coaster ride. At first, the relationship moves at a nice steady pace forward. The person you are dating makes time and effort to see you and it feels great, putting a smile on your face bigger than Mickey Mouse’s.

To understand the reasoning for such ups and downs in the relationship we must first understand each other. Understand the real person, not the representatives that presented themselves in the beginning of the relationship. Now that time has passed, comforts have also set in along with the realisation of a one on one relationship. This starts unsaid expectations.

A wise man once said when you expect nothing; you are not let down when you receive it. We tend to place extraordinary expectations on people without giving them the needed information to meet those expectations. Causing unnecessary stress on the significant other and strain on weakening limbs. You can’t hold love up if all you’re going to do is tear it right back down. Leave it alone.

Some people keep this tension of loving and hateful feelings to try and keep the relationship alive. They truly believe any attention is good attention. Purposefully causing conflict is not only immature but deceitful. Playing with people’s emotions and pissing them off to try and test their loyalty is always a bad bet. You may get the immediate surge of attention that you seek but it will wear down your relationship strength and eventually your mate will end up leaving. It may take years and years for someone to finally leave but it will happen when games are played.

Another reason is that some people lack the necessary communication skills to resolve any conflict. The attitude of “ignore it and it will go away” is a difficult point to try to kill the drama. The reason for failure of drama based relationships is because they violate trust, honesty, respect and many other relationship values.

The rollercoaster is also caused by insecurity between one or both parties involved. The ups and downs are caused by fear. The back and forth is caused by jealousy and envy. Mistrust causes misuse. And all this negativity equals love? Complete dysfunction means impending destruction. False images of ourselves and each other form the basis for emotional reactions. If we desire permanent, meaningful changes in our relationship dynamics, we should address the real cause – the images we carry in our minds of ourselves and each other…..

To be Continued next week