Overcoming financial infidelity

We are told countless times that a couple divorces due to several problems including finance. Most couples when caught lying about their finances, will usually argue and fight. Cheu Mita finds out what couples can do when finances become an issue.

Most women encourage each other to have a separate bank account from the one their husband knows just to ensure that they save for a rainy day. Is it necessary?

Liz Pulliam Weston writing for MSN Money says that with money and marriage, there are lies. Then there are big lies. Telling your spouse you bought something on sale when you didn’t is a lie.

“Is it cheating if you lie about where the money went? Yep. And it’s every bit as damaging to your relationship as the physical kind.”

Hiding all the ngongoles that you have taken at work from your spouse is bad.

If you’ve ever hidden a purchase from your spouse or secreted away some household cash for a rainy day, you hereby have been deemed financially unfaithful and may now commence the walk of shame.

Financial infidelity — those money secrets we keep from our significant others — takes many forms, ranging from harmless and idiosyncratic to hurtful and destructive. Nearly one-third (29 percent) of people in a committed relationship say they have been dishonest with their partner about spending habits, according to a Harris Interactive survey.

Money counsellor Ruth Hayden says there are some tell-tale signs that help distinguish injurious money secrets from those that are merely innocuous.

“If it feels bad, it’s infidelity,” says Hayden, who is based in St. Paul, Minn. “As long as I’m not doing something with the money that breaks a code for us, an agreement or moral issue, then we’re fine. Trust is the key with any kind of infidelity.”

According to a survey by Forbes magazine, more and more couples are lying to each other about money-related issues with dire consequences to their relationship.

True Love magazine says it starts with a small lie, which you convince yourself won’t hurt anyone- hiding that expensive pair of shoes, that clothes purchase or concealing spontaneous purchases as routine household expenses. Before you know it, lying becomes the norm. Next, you fight over money and how it’s spent. You lose trust of each other and the relationship starts to fail.

However, a recent research done by Jan Andersen, associate professor at CSU Sacramento relegated money to a lesser role in divorce. Rarely was it ranked higher than fourth or fifth, with other causes — incompatibility, lack of emotional support, abuse and sexual problems — typically ranking higher.

Logan attorneys list the following as ways to avoid financial infidelity:

• Have a shared bank account for household expenses and to avoid a lack of transparency.
• Have a budget as a couple and review it quarterly.
• Discuss your money flaws and how to accommodate them.
• Set financial goals as a couple.
• Have financial rules and commit.